Friday, October 31, 2014

Twick or Tweet! Best tweets of October

Some day I’m going to dress for Halloween like a guy who really loves Halloween. No one will recognize me.

Yet again what was once a one-day holiday has become Sprawl-o-ween. We had a great time in our little borough Wednesday night. They usually have Halloween on the Wednesday preceding Halloween around here because that’s when the volunteer firefighters meet and they don’t want to disrupt their scheduled.

They do such great work I’d never dream of complaining about them disrupting everyone else’s. So we’re doing Halloween again tonight on Halloween. It’s just too much for me.

I guess that’s just selfish because on Friday night’s I like to dress like a guy who enjoys BSing in the bar all night.

For those of you who enjoy Halloween, have at it. I hope you have a great time.

For those of you who enjoy witty @8days2Amish — new followers welcome — tweets, well, these will just have to do.

• Hope I’m on jury the day group of accused arsonists respond with the musical plea, “We didn’t start the fire! It was always burnin’ . . .”

• CDC reports on binge drinking are too ironically sobering for binge drinkers to bother to read.

• People who live in glass houses shouldn’t.

• We live in an age where people display more affection for devices that play music than for the music devices play.

• I figure by my crude calculations you could probably fit about 5 queens in your typical queen-sized bed. Seven if you persuade 'em to spoon

• It’s surprising that a musical genre called hip hop doesn’t have a memorable song about the Easter Bunny.

• Think absolute power corrupts absolutely? Think again. Even the sun can’t shine ‘round the clock.

• Our greatest lie is anytime we say, “I hate to say I told you so, but...” Saying, “I told you so,” is one of life’s greatest joys.

• I wonder if other owls roll their eyes whenever they hear a "wise" guy owl describe something as a "real hoot.”

• I think I'm going to start a band called Ock 'n' Oll so promoters can say, "You can't spell Rock 'n' Roll without Ock 'n' Oll!”

• I love it when the wind makes the brittle leaves sound like they're applauding me. Or is it people in my head? Either way, I feel inspired.

• Just once I'd like to read a story about a some one shoplifting and learn the culprit actually lifted a shop.

• My phone message ends with, "And if this is a real emergency, please call 911," like people call me for medical advice

• We somehow wind up missing so much whenever we always end up going exactly where we think we need to go.

• It’ll be beneficial to both your healthfulness and disposition if you eat meals at places where food is prepared and not just assembled.

• Ebola, ISIL, etc. Some days it seems like Satan's either winning or God quit caring. Change starts at home. Spend day smiling at strangers

• The trouble w/ most people who blow their own horns is they rarely bother to obtain or learn to play actual horns. Hence, they merely blow.

• Funnel cakes and funnel clouds as threats don't seem like they'd be too different. Indeed, they are.

• Drug "czar?" C'mon! I'm so sick of silent letters! From now on it's drug "zar." Urz trule, Cris Rodl

• Any boss who, frankly, doesn’t give a damn why today you’re late for work is a Clock Gable. 

• I wonder how many centuries it’s been since a dragnet involved the actual dragging of a net.

• Given trends against public transportation and for finger pointing, at any given time more people are likely to be under the bus than on it.

• I know it's going to lead to trouble, but I can't resist putting lit matches under ears of strangers and asking, "Are your ears burning?”

• Savvy mechanics always wear CarGo pants.

• It’s out of my realm of experience, but I sometimes cheer myself up by humming the "Movin' On Up!" theme to #TheJeffersons

• If our bodies are, indeed, temples then how come everything that comes out of them is so disgusting?

• Bull-headed is meant to describe stubborn people. I prefer to use it in reference to people whose heads are full of bullshit.

• I reiterate: hyphen should be spelled hy-phen.

• There’s nothing hospitable about hospitals. We should call them docitals or discomfitals.

• We are all born free and spend the rest of our lives constructing prisons around ourselves.

• It’d be neat if our sneezes revealed our personalities. Cheerful people would sneeze confetti; sweet people jelly beans; politicians, crap.

• I believe most people are inherently good. The problem is most people are prone to outrageous bursts of stupidity and it's usually in cars.

• I so love baseball I'm intending to DVR tonight's final Game 7 and watching 2 pitches a night 'til spring training.

• I enjoying hanging with drunks ‘cuz you can tell same joke same way five times in one night and it’s always hilarious. Not so with sober wife.

• If ears had taste buds, mine would be salivating every time they hear Ray Wylie Hubbard.

• If everyone everywhere helped the people who are always helping people then no one no where would ever feel helpless again.

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