Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Heckle me in Bethel? You won't get beat up!

Does all the political mayhem have you feeling an irresistible urge to go out and heckle the crap out of some poor hapless bastard?
I’m your guy!
I’ll be speaking for an hour beginning at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at the Bethel Park Community Center, 5151 Park Rd., in the South Hills of Pittsburgh.
You can heckle all you want and you won’t get beat up. I promise.
My “Use All The Crayons!” talk is about a benevolent world where the worst thing that happens to even the most reprehensible villain is they get a good scolding.
Maybe a wedgie.
Trump says if anyone in his audience sees a protester about to heave a tomato to “beat the absolute crap out of them.”
If you’re in my audience and see anyone about to throw a tomato at me I’d appreciate it if you’d dash to the store and grab a head of lettuce, carrots, green pepper and maybe some croutons and head to the express checkout.
Yes, throw lemons at me and I’ll make lemonade.
I’m excited about tomorrow because I have no idea what to expect.
I’m told these monthly affairs are well-attended. But no one will ballpark what “well-attended” means.
It could be 15. Could be 100.
I’m hoping for the latter.
Either way, I’m bringing 30 signed copies of “crayons!” ($15), and 15 signed copies of “Last Baby Boomer” ($20).
I’m very pleased with the way my introductory talks about LBB have gone and I’m positively blown away by the book’s early reception. People are instantly engaged in the premise and entertained by the tale of how it came about.
But from what I’ve experienced in the past year, the “Crayons!” message is the one people really need to hear.
It has so much humor and what I self-righteously call bedrock wisdom. 
There seems to be a real thirst for that kind of thing, especially in these divisive times.
I’m appalled by the Trump rallies and am pleased to be offering the exact opposite of what he has.
Hear me talk Wednesday and you’ll hear tales of inclusion, perseverance, togetherness, accommodation, respect, civility and, yeah, a provocative sprinkling of playful profanity.
True, my campaign is vastly under-funded, but I’m happy to stand in opposition to all the ugliness grabbing today’s headlines.
Restore America’s greatness?
Tomorrow evening in Bethel Park, I’m going to do my small part to help restore America's goodness.
I’m doing it for goodness' sake.

Related . . .

No comments: