Sunday, September 30, 2012

September tweets of the month

Looking forward to a day of televised sports and remote parenting. On deck for tomorrow: “Trouble with the Critics,” my take on the widely slammed new Clint Eastwood movie, “Trouble with the Curve.” I liked it!

And, yes, I still like Clint, too!

Check out the tweets @8days2amish and have a great Sunday!

• I plan on spending tomorrow saying same things over and over, repeating ad nauseam & beating proverbial dead horse. It's Happy Belabor Day!

• Can anyone explain why in San Francisco there's a big orange bridge right where everyone told me to look for a golden gate?

• The word clusterf*** is very misleading. Sounds like something we should all enjoy. "We're having a big clusterf***! Bring a casserole!"

• There are just two true rock stars left on the entire planet. One of them is Mick Jagger. The other is married to Hillary Clinton.

• God knows all/sees all. I wonder if He reads .

• I'm thinking it's physically impossible for someone who is Finnish to hitchhike.

• Another absurd story saying men think about sex 250 times a day. C'mon! I thought about sex 250 times in the time it took me to type this tweet.

• I’ve cut my nose off so many times to spite my face it’s become physically impossible for me to stop and smell the roses.

• A single splash of water killed the Wicked Witch of the West. Logical conclusion: Not only was she evil, she also reeked.

• If Three Dog Night had performed before Caesar they would have been called Tres Canis Nox.

• I wish Apple would cease making new iPhones and instead develop an engine that runs on all the iPhones they’ve snookered us into discarding.

• My mother looks at the new TV remote the way the ancients must have looked at a solar eclipse

• It'd be neat if our sneezes revealed our personalities. Cheerful people would sneeze confetti; sweet people jelly beans; politicians, crap.

• Chefs with rashes are the best at cooking from scratch.

• “Live and learn” is a popular phrase with no practical application. Most people live and stay stupid.

• Runways among our most illogical words. Planes never run on runways. If we named them after what happens most on them they'd be waitways.

• Can't prove it, but I'll wager Superman was the first person to ever say, "I see London, I see France ..."

• When is some entrepreneur going to seize the obvious opportunity and open a set of chain stores that sell nothing but chains?

• The problem with most people isn’t just that they have their heads up their asses. The problem is how many can’t stop admiring the view.

• That which does not kill me usually leaves me with one whopper of a hangover.

• Let's find homeless Happy Days star Erin Moran work. How about an antiquing show? "Joannie Loves Tchotchke!”

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