Friday, April 1, 2016

March Tweets of the Month: Guess my favorite!

When I’ve gone a day or two without any tweets at 8days2Amish, I’ll sometimes dip into the archive of nearly 6,000 tweets to bring back a golden oldie. But I’m surprised how fresh the twitter feed remains. Of the following 46, 30 are brand new — and all are all me. I’m proud of that.

See if you can guess my favorite!

• I know I'm the only one who cares, but sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night wondering just why the hell Jimmy cracked corn.

• I know nothing about rigors/finances but from what I can discern about him cheerleaders at Trump U. must be smokin' hot. 

• If they gave the death sentence for killing time could you live forever? 

• Podiatrists with empty appointment calendars are light on their feet.

• How much less crowded with the afterlife be if instead of a stairway to heaven, the worthy are forced to ascend a ladder?

• Scott Kelly is today the most interesting man on the planet because it's been one year since he's been on the planet. 

• It would have been fun to see look on Mark’s face if Scott returned to earth with a full head of hair. #yearinspace 

• How come I've never seen a pudding recipe that includes proof?

• It’s good to pray to God to change the world. It's better to use all your God-given powers to change the world.

• Latrobe, Pa., should host America's first true slugfest! Featuring actual slugs!

• Locksmiths make surprisingly good cooks. They never forget the key ingredient.

• A clear, sharp mind is a brute impediment to enjoying so much of life's wonder and whimsy.

• You know you're no longer middle aged when you realize the pile of diapers you'll change is smaller than the ones you'll wear. 

• Sometimes -- and it doesn't happen often -- i forget the greatness of Tom Petty. Then I listen to Tom Petty.

• I wish Bishop Desmond Tutu had a son named Bishop Desmond Tutu so Bishop Desmond Tutu could be called Bishop Desmond TuTu II. 

• One of the most cherished military maxims about always fighting the last war is dead wrong. There'll never be a "last" war.

• Which will soar higher on National No One Looks in Mirror Day: our productivity or collegial revulsion at seeing our natural looks?

• Dressmakers who grow their own cotton sew what they reap. 

• Biggest problem in Republican Party is many people in the Republican Party detest the idea of partying with other Republicans. 

• My mind's been wandering so long I'm surprised it's not appeared on someone's milk carton.

• In lieu of campaign violence, I propose we rename candidate Donald Thump.

• All this talk of restoring American greatness has me wishing for some old-fashioned goodness, for goodness sake. #FredRogers

• Any expectant Moms out there willing to lend me their ultrasound pix? This is the week I'm taking TBT to the limit.

• If Jeremiah was, indeed, a bullfrog, who drove him to the liquor store to get his mighty fine wine? So much of the story remains untold.

• It infuriates me when I realize I'm 53 and my idea of a really great day is one that involves me finding a quarter. 

• A spritely Irish elf is a leprechaun. A 3-card scam that ends up with a whole hand on the table is a leper con.

• It had a handsome leading man, an earnest sidekick and international intrigue. But Ohio Five-O never caught on. Oh, and it had corn.

• People say "not a snowball’s chance in hell,” like they know Hell’s forecast. Listen: In my hell there will be tons of snow.

• Side effects that involve 4-hour erections should be called front effects. #Viagra

• Too many people who bury the hatchet immediately start trying to remember where they put the shovel.

• News that #Anonymous has hacked Trump has me thinking if this happened while he was president he'd right now be carpet bombing the Internet.

• If marriage is so great then how come there isn't a Mrs. God?

• Fans get into arguments over who's better: Paul McCartney or John Lennon. Does this happen with George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley?

• I wonder how long it'll be before the number of earthlings living in space outnumbers the number of earthlings living on earth. 

• Honesty without tact is like brain surgery without anesthesia. The procedure might work, but the complications can kill.

• I’d like to see Hollywood announce it was releasing what it calls a period movie and have it be solely about punctuation. 

• RIP #GarryShandling. I guess this means Hank's gonna have to host.

• Sure, George Washington was an inspirational leader and visionary for revolutionary liberty but I'll bet he can't drive like I can.

• If it weren't so darned inconvenient I'd suggest we flip Florida so from space it would look like USA was giving the universe thumb's up.

• I wonder how many times designers of the first drawing board had to go back to the drawing board before getting it just right.

• Please help me resolve this 4-decade old conflict: Is it mum, bird, or is Grease the word? 

• I wonder if attending church is mandatory in heaven or if that's considered sort of redundant.

• Do police ever charge The Energizer Bunny with battery?

• Spring is when Mother Nature puts on her makeup!

• Question for legal scholars: Is it constitutionally possible for a sitting president to appoint himself to a Supreme Court vacancy? Maybe even to two or three vacancies? #Trump

My favorite? I like the one about how finding a quarter means I’ve had a really great day. It perfectly captures how I can remain persistently cheerful amidst financial conditions that ought to leave me downtrodden.The picture up top is the one I used to illustrate the tweet & my reaction to finding some silver.

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