Trump in Latrobe! Aunt Milley goes nuts!

(677 words)

This is one of those days I’m regretful I vowed to always let readers know where I stand on the issues. Or in my case where I slouch, lean or nap.

Well, President Trump is coming to Latrobe to speak tonight and I’m wishing I didn’t feel compelled to opine. Nothing good can come from it — and in the case of me opining and Trump speaking that’s a two-fer.

The notion will anger my Trump-despising friends. They think I’m too soft on him and should feel an obligation to bash Trump and all his voting enablers, both native and Russian.

And — there — mild jabs like that will infuriate my Trump-loving friends, many of whom are surprisingly thin-skinned when it comes to defending someone whose skin is so abundant Hannibal Lechter would describe him as “roomy.”

Really, if I thought I could change even one mind, I’d do it. It would be a monumental accomplishment.

I’d start by rescuing Aunt Millie (not her real name). We’ll get back to her.

But, as I’ve said many times, it’s impossible to change the minds of the mindless — and I include myself in the description.

My mind is made-up. So is yours, I’m sure. We’ve reached a point in America where the only time a mind changes is when it undergoes ballistic intervention. And the lethal frequency of these atrocities is sadly trending up.

If violence isn’t the answer then how come we’re always asking the question?

And now, again, it’s all about race. The pity is when it comes down to blacks and whites the issues are never black and white.

Many of my neighbors are wondering if he’ll stop at the wildly popular Trump House, not even 1/2 mile from my Tin Lizzy HQ,

He may, but that’s not going to win him any votes. He’s got that crowd locked up — and I mean that metaphorically. It’s the border-crossing children he has locked up.

That’s why I’d advise him to stop for a photo op at the downtown Fred Rogers statue. Here’s a good Fred quote: “The three keys to ultimate success are: Be kind. Be kind. And be kind.”

It’s very uplifting and stands in stark contrast to the most famous Trump quote which involves grabbing women by their genitalia, which I guess could be called up-skirt-lifting.

The Fred park is special. Many people go there for solace, for soul-searching.

It’d be breaking news if Trump found he has one.

Now, that was another cheap shot. Sorry. Just playing to the base.

I wonder if it would change any minds if you could see on video the bronze Fred statue actually begin to scowl at Trump’s approach.

That’s the kind of joke I told over dinner last night as we coincidentally sat down  with four-Trump-loving friends.

Surprised? Yes, some of our very best friends are Trump supporters, which I guess is the pandering equivalent to a Trump fan declaring some of their best friends are black (lives matter).

These days, I enjoy the company of most anyone who doesn’t traffic in the crazy conspiracy theories.

Sadly, that means I’m done with Aunt Milley. I don’t know why I’m fictionalizing her into an aunt when she’s a true granny and that’s plenty folksy. She used to dote on our kids, bring them candy and volunteer at the church.

Well, we miss her.

Did I mention poison politics have turned her into a racist bitch?

Her Facebook feed is all Q anon, wacko theories on blood-sipping pedophiles (DYK even Tom Hanks is one of those?)  And then there are the ugly racist musings about the Obamas.

It’s no longer enough to merely disagree on policy. You now must ascribe phantasmagorical villainy to your opponent.

We lose so much when we weaponize our passions.

It’s becoming common to speculate whether or not we’re on the brink of a new Civil War.

Fat chance, I say.

In America today, civility was the first casualty.

Welcome to The Incivil War.

Related …

The Giant Trump that ate Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood

Trump-lovin’ Tin Lizzy in the news again

Trump vs. Fiorina: Who’s our ugliest president?

Someone needs to yank Trump’s rug off

Trump’s no jackass; he’s under-qualified

Who’ll take on Trump and what Cher has to do with it

Staying at the Watergate Hotel in '02

(636 words)

I have a feeling younger generations and less aware adults will be surprised to learn you can stay at the Watergate. Rooms start at $467.

We stayed there in 2002.

For free!

I did a travel story about the 30th anniversary of the Watergate break-in. It ran in about 10 newspapers, including here in this link thoughtfully preserved by the San Francisco Chronicle.

I think one reason the story did so well is even newspaper editors had forgotten that the word Watergate initially evoked luxury, not scandal. The complex with its mix of commercial/hotel/residential opened in 1967 so to some Watergate meant home-sweet-home.

“People from around the world hear Watergate and think scandal, but I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather live. We love it here.”

That was Bob Dole. He and wife Liddy moved there in 1972, the same year as the break-in when Dole was chairman of the Republican National Committee. Dole told me he was in Chicago the night of the break-in.

How convenient.

We met the Doles while Val and I were dining in Jeffrey’s, at the time the Watergate’s premier restaurant. The restaurant was a favorite of George and Laura Bush when they were in the Texas governor’s mansion in Austin. Jeffrey’s opened the Watergate location when Bush became president.

It was fun seeing the Doles at dinner while we there. The place seated about 100 and both of them graciously took the time to come up and say hello to every table.

I told him I was doing a travel story about the Watergate — the 5-star dinner was free, too — and would love to interview him about it being his residence. 

“Sure! I’ll be happy to,” he gushed. “Call my office first thing Monday. I’ll talk your ears off!”

He was lying. He dodged my calls for a month before granting me about five measly minutes of crabby responses.

I shouldn’t complain. At least he gave me more than I got from Monica Lewinsky. She lived in the Watergate when the Clinton sex scandal broke and said it was a wonderful place to be “imprisoned.”

Dole did say he used to enjoy emerging from the doors and seeing the crestfallen faces of the paparazzi when they saw it was him, not her.

It was really a fun weekend for Val and I. It was our first weekend without our new baby. They’d given us a nice suite and I remember enjoying a bottle of free wine while overlooked the Potomac.

We’re taking the kids to DC this weekend so I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing. It occurs to me New York is the only big city I’ve visited more than our nation’s capital.

I love it. Love the museums, the monuments, the galas — free! free! free! — and, oh, my, the history.

I think one reason is my old man was big on instilling in his sons the significance of history and Washington’s unique place in it.

I’ll never forget my first visit. It was July 27, 1974. Dad said, “Be sure to remember this date. You boys can say you were in the capital the day the House of Representatives voted to impeach President Nixon because of Watergate.”

It had a profound impact on me and my sense of history, one I intend to impart on my daughters.

Will I try and put the current tumult into context?

Probably. 

I’ll tell them the story of a man drunk with power, a man who felt entitled and believed he was worthy of festive adulation.

And I’ll tell them how I dream of seeing history repeat itself.

What I won’t tell them is if I’m talking about the president being impeached or their Daddy visiting DC and again getting lots of swell free stuff.

 Related …

Expense accounting the National Spelling Bee

Telling travel stories to PA tourism executives

Travel stories: I have work to do

Marching on Gettysburg with daughter, 12

We all love New York

“Use All The Crayons! TRAVEL!”

Comey, 6'8", and looming even larger

(595 words)

Beltway pundits were in a typical tizzy Sunday after James Comey was spotted at a  Broadway performance about a lesbian cartoonist. It was his first public outing since being unceremoniously fired.

They wanted to know if he was signaling he was aligning with leftist forces or if maybe it was time for Mike Pence to begin taking steps to pray away a rash outburst of Broadway gay.

I had more logistical concerns.

Namely, who’s the poor bastard who shelled out $140 to sit behind a human obstruction like Comey? He’s 6-foot-8, an inch taller than the average NBA player.

It’d be like sitting behind the Washington Monument.

We’re hearing a lot about Comey since Trump dumped him. We hear he’s a good boss, a strong leader and we hear without any sense of irony he’s a real stand-up guy.

At 6’8” he’s a stand up, up, up guy.

I hear “Fun Home,” the play the Comeys saw, is fantastic. It won the 2015 Tony Award for best musical. It’s Alison Bechdel’s coming-of-age story about how she, a graphic artist, wrestles with the suicide of her gay father while at the same time confronting her own sexuality.

With jaunty show tunes!

I’m guessing the casting director didn’t need to find any John Wayne-types when he or she was filling out the roles.

Really, it sounds like something J. Edgar Hoover, Comey’s cross-dressing predecessor, would enjoy.

But Comey?

What do we know about him?

Besides his height, I’m struck by the fact he has really great hair and his name is pronounced COMB-y.

It’s like finding a postal employee named Maley.

Do you ever find yourself deferring to taller people? Note: I craftily constructed that sentence so it wouldn’t ask if you “looked up” to taller people.

I know many tall folks who are just as stupid as smaller sorts. Yet tall people do seem to have advantages that have nothing to do with reaching for things on the top shelf without pulling out a utility ladder. They’re just naturally imposing.

But could being tall have worked against Comey with an appearance-obsessed goofball like Trump?

Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker thinks so. She’s conservative, but I always try to read her because she’s bright, witty and doesn’t insinuate that those who disagree with her are Satan’s spawn.

Here’s what she wrote: “What could have prompted Trump to (fire Comey)? In a Trumpian world, stalled somewhere between second grade and a prep school locker room, even the ridiculous seems plausible. So, let’s try a wild one: Maybe Trump fired Comey for being taller, at 6 feet, 8 inches. In light of his infatuation with size, one can easily imagine that a 6-foot-3-inch Trump would resent having to look up to the guy who was investigating possible collusion between his campaign and Russia.”

Interesting.

My wife asked me what I think of Comey.

I told her I hated how he interfered with the election, but sense he didn’t do so lightly or with malevolent intent.

“And I think he’s truly righteous about being 100 percent honest and forthright in every situation and that makes him to Trump the most dangerous man on the planet.”

It won’t earn any Tony nominations, but Comey testifying before Congress about what Trump said and knows promises to be truly great theater.

Because for someone like Trump the only thing worse than sitting behind a guy like Comey is seeing him standing up, facing forward, with his hand on a Bible.

Related …

Lying about my height on my driver’s license

Me by the numbers

The Bonfire of the NBA Vanities

The giant Trump who ate Mr. Rogers Neighborhood

Trump-loving Tin Lizzy in the news again

I say nice things about Republicans

Trump-lovin' Tin Lizzy in news again

(795 words)

The avalanche of world-wide media declaring the Tin Lizzy is a bastion of rabid Trump supporters is clearly fake news.

How can it be a bastion of Trump supporters?

I’m still here!

Sure, on many Friday nights I’m outnumbered about 250-to-1 — but don’t believe the polls. And winning the popular vote is so overrated. Bigly.

Since just before the election, the Tin Lizzy and the nearby Trump House have been featured in news around the globe. That’s no exaggeration. Just last week, there was a film crew here from Germany.

To much of the world, Youngstown, Pa. (pop. 320), is Ground Zero for Trump supporters.

And Sunday, a front page story ran in my old newspaper, The Tribune-Review, under the headline: “Trump voters take inventory after his first month in office.”

The article quotes many of my Trump-loving friends and included two pictures that drew scornful remarks in the lively reader comments section including this: “These photos above are exactly what I've always imagined for a Trump supporting environment. So many racist hickabillies & elderly people.”

I take exception to the prejudicial jibes for personal reasons.

I’m in the picture!

That’s me on the right. 

Now, regular readers know I’m not a racist hickabilly. And I’m not all that elderly as long as you’re comparing me to someone like Santa Claus. 

I love the arts, baseball, my family, apple pie, philosophical conversation and politicians more apt to build bridges than walls. I love that my town produced both Fred Rogers and Arnold Palmer, the latter a Tin Lizzy regular.

And I love the Tin Lizzy. 

To my left is Buck Pawlosky, the man who’s owned the historic Tin Lizzy since 1982. He’s one of the world’s greatest guys — and I’m not just saying that because he could on a whim send me home in tears by announcing he’s turning my 3rd floor office into the neighborhood Hookah Hut.

And even if he wasn’t a great guy, he oversees three great bars and a kitchen that never disappoints.

Spending one night in the Tin Lizzy is like spending one day on Pittsburgh’s South Side. 

There’s the basement Rathskeller, the Main Street bar and Flappers. On a really good night I’ll hit all three.

Each bar is unique, each has something special to offer.

So the Tin Lizzy bars are like the people who drink here.

Sure, there’s a racist hickabilly here and there, but I’m not going to let their knuckle-headed ignorance spoil my tavern time.

As I’ve always said, if I confined my conversation to purely enlightened and sophisticated folk mine would be a very lonely existence and I’d have to stop talking even to myself.

Many of the people who are opposed to building physical walls along the Mexican border are more than happy to construct truly ugly mental ones between themselves and the neighbors they see every day.

Some of my friends were surprised I didn’t talk to reporter Kevin Zwick. Honest, I didn’t even see him or the photographer snapping pictures.

Had Zwick asked me for insights, I would have wisely told him all the ways I used to finesse the Tribune-Review expense account when I had his job and was given an assignment involving talking to bar patrons. 

But if he’d have asked me what it was like to be a liberal in the land of Trump, I’d have said I’d prefer it to being stuck on a bus with a bunch of New England Patriot fans. 

I foresee Trump either getting bored or overwhelmed when his evident neediness to be adored goes unfulfilled. Or maybe congressional Republicans will assert themselves when they sense future endangerment.

Or not. I’m no fortune teller. 

Until then, I’ll be happy here at the Tin Lizzy, now emboldened by an artful comparison a Facebook friend posted after seeing the story.

“I imagine you’re like Marlow, the protagonist in Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness,’” John K. wrote. “He’s an intellectual, philosophical and world-weary guy who goes deep into Africa and encounters Col. Kurtz, a European who has set up his own Kingdom of sorts among the natives. As Kurtz recalls the terrible things he's seen and done while living among the indigenous people he utters,'The horror, the horror.'” 

“Your forays deep into the heart of Youngstown calls to mind Marlow's own journey.”

“Apcalypse Now,” is based on “Heart of Darkness.”

I’ll take it.

So come visit. I’ll introduce you to Buck and some of our friends. We’ll have a great time, I promise.

Some mornings, I’m the first one here at 6:30 a.m. It feels like a privilege to be entrusted with the keys to a place so fun and interesting.

And I love the smell of taverns in the morning.

Related …

Visit Tin Lizzy today: An advertorial praising my hosts

Blog tourists coming to Youngstown!

I’m loving cornhole! Who wants to join me?

Someone stole Buck’s book from Tin Lizzy!

The giant Trump who ate Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood

Is The Tin Lizzy haunted?

January Tweets of the Month!

Donald Trump’s twitter feed has 23 million; Barack Obama, 82 million. A twitter feed purporting to be God has just 217,000. 

My 8days2Amish has just 1,658. I’m not saying I should have as many as Trump or Obama, but you’d think the following wisdoms would at least lead to as many as God.

No matter. It all winds up here on the blog sooner or later. Thanks for reading!

• I hope 2017 is the year when someone -- anyone -- tells me I'm great and dumps a big bucket of Gatorade over my head. 

• I may be misjudging the man, but I suspect every time Trump leaves the White House he steals a towel or two.

• People who say revenge is a dish best served cold fail to realize if revenge had a drive-thru the traffic would stretch for miles.

• You can play a mean bluegrass banjo or country fiddle on earth & it won't matter. Once you get to heaven, everyone's in a soul band.

• A pessimist dwells on the fact that Smallpox killed 15 million. An optimist says at least it wasn't Bigpox.

• If they gave the death sentence for killing time could you live forever? 

• Scientists say earth is 4.543 billion years old. Wikipedia says "Catwoman" actress Eartha Kitt died in 2008 at the age of 81.

• I used to pretend I was too sick to go to school. Now, I pretend I'm not hungover nights after I swore to wife I wouldn't drink too much.

• God helps those who help themselves. I only help those who help me. Something to think about next time you have a couch that needs moving.

• I wonder if clever HVAC men ever entertain themselves at conduit installations by asking, "Tubey or not tubey?”

• Does being a Born-Again Christian mean you get to eat twice as much as you did before?

• Photos of even unpatriotic chefs making soup are often stirring.

• Pessimists suffer from pre-traumatic stress disorder.

• “London Bridges Falling Down" is a popular nursery rhyme. London britches falling down is a sartorial scandal of epic proportions.

• Try and do at least one thing each week that will blow your hair back and allow you to scream, “Wheeeeeeee!!!"

• Scientists who declare matter cannot be created nor destroyed have never observed a bar of soap in a shower.

• I’d like to attend a church where the pastor says, "Spoiler alert!" before even familiar Bible stories like the crucifixion.

• I’m dumbfounded I'll be 54 next month and I still haven't sucked face with Madonna. Oh, well, there's still a few weeks so who knows?

• Any time anyone tells me I'm good listener I want to say, really, I'm just good at smiling and nodding, but all I do is smile and nod.

• I’m tickled by the irony that a story about golden showers was the result of leaks. 

• Cell phone etiquette will improve when anyone found in breach is forced to exchange current phone for one of these.

• I have to think in heaven we still have birthdays, but we'll celebrate them on the day we died. And the cake is always angel food. 

• We now have ability to forever preserve things that 10 years ago we would have destroyed as being too stupid for anyone else to ever see.

• I haven't gazed closely enough, but I wonder if among the heavens there's a star named Ringo.

• Has the advent of ubiquitous smart phones meant the death of the rhetorical question?

• Divided country meant no matter who won election, Friday's swearing-in was destined to become a swearing-at.

• Reckless abandon is redundant. Anyone ever heard of careful abandon?

• I wonder if in the annals of mob history a man named Stone was ever asked to kill two men named Byrd.

• I remain amazed "beer" & "mirror," words with just one letter in common, are near-perfect rhyme. Beer, is there nothing you can't do?

• The self-loathing conservatives feel at supporting Trump must be akin to what dying vegetarians feel when they realize they’re about to turn zombie.

• I don't understand why my racist friends get angry when I point out they are racists. Does it bother me when they say I'm lazy?

• Trump laying wreath at Tomb of the Unknowns? If he doesn't like people who were caught, what must he think of the ultimate quitters?

• If we had to have a reality show host for president, why couldn't it have been Jeff Probst?

• All you need to know about man is 1st match was invented in 1836; 1st smoke detector, 1956. Don't get me started on birth control.

• May not be in our lifetimes but at some point some high school band'll road trip to the moon. They're going to have to sell lots of hoagies.

• I wonder if smart alec bacteria ever introduce themselves with “Spoiler alert!” at fridge parties and still think it’s funny.

• Prediction: Atlanta 56, New England 32. Those aren’t scores. Those are high temperatures in each city game day. 

• Looking in the mirror when you wake up can ruin your psyche for the whole day. Me, I try not to look until I've had at least three beers.

• Trying to justify value of writing to people who don't read is like trying to justify the value of fresh air to fish.

• Single apple seed weighs 700 mg but sinks. A battleship weighs 45k tons, but does not. What would happen to battleship full of apple seeds?

• You never hear about it amongst other Biblical miseries but another thing about hell that sucks is everyone gets a really bad roommate 

• Easiest way to differentiate carpenter bees from others is that carpenter bees are the ones wearing the really tiny tool belts.

• Nearly 7 billion people on earth. Total has me wondering when earth will become one giant graveyard.

• The idea behind "pursuit of happiness" misleads. Find a comfy enough chair & pursuit becomes unnecessary. Happiness'll finds you.

• I vow to continue saying 'Happy New Year!' right up thru July 5 when it'll become seasonally appropriate to resume saying "Merry Christmas!”

• We live in a time when many people aren't truly happy unless they're truly angry.

• People in an uproar over Trump's actions during his first hundred days. Not me. I'm terrified about what'll happen his last 100 days.

• The only thing getting me through this tumult is the knowledge that right now Bruce Springsteen is probably writing another fierce rock 'n' roll album that will in a fair and balanced way lyrically explain whether or not I'm on the right side of history.

Related … 

January ’16 tweets of the month

January ’15 tweets of the month

January ’14 tweets of the month

January ’13 tweets of the month