Tuesday, March 31, 2020

March Tweets of the Month (Covfefe!)

This is the 10th original blog post since the Covid-19 catalyst really demanded all our attention. The 10th, in fact, since March 12, prior to which I had never even typed the word and was likely to have confused it with Covfefe-22. And 10 is the most in any month of blogging since May 17. Lesson:
The virus may kill millions, but it’s revived “Eight Days to Amish!”

Tweets of the month from

The picture? It was from a ’15 Vegas press junket to Strip Gun Club. I remain flabbergasted I was around all those lethal weapons and all that ammo and couldn’t find one person who didn’t deserve killing.

Also, please understand this blog and my books are commerce masquerading as carefree fun. Any donations or book purchases will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

• If I were a true believer in the inevitability of the zombie apocalypse, I'd take the utmost care in selecting my daily footwear. A quality shoe is in so many ways beneficial to your typical walker. Never hurts to be stylish either!

• I wonder if any of the forward-thinkers at PETA have game-planned a pro-active position paper anticipating Jurassic scenarios where the organization defends the dinosaur's absolute right to roam free in the cities and the countrysides.

• Researchers point out coronavirus disproportionately afflicting Fox News demographic. I wonder what the reaction of Fox News hosts will be if researchers declare watching Fox News CAUSES Corona Virus.

• If Jeremiah was, indeed, a bullfrog, who drove him to the liquor store to get his mighty fine wine? So much of the story remains untold.

• It infuriates me when I realize I'm 57 and my idea of a really great day is one that involves me finding a quarter. 

• Need something to read while self-quarantining? Social-distancing book special! All books $15 -- plus free shipping continental US! Read all about people being social until you can be social again, too! 

• The word quarantine refers to a period of time spent in isolation to determine healthfulness. It has been in use since the 15th century. The word Qur'antine refers to a period of isolation spent converting to Islam. It's been in use for about a minute.

• The trouble with most conspiracy theories is that while they make you feel smart they're simultaneously making you look dumb.

• It’s heartening to see so many people being kind, encouraging and working toward shared goals. The pity is it always takes the world coming apart to bring people together.

• To save humanity, The Greatest Generation was tasked to go overseas and spill blood to fight tyrannical fascism. Today, our generations in order to save humanity, are being tasked to stay at home and binge watch Netflix. I'm perfectly fine with that.

• I’m surprised by how many people who seem to think if they disparage #COVID19 loudly and brashly enough, they need not fear it. People, it's a germ. You can't hurt its feelings.

• If they gave the death sentence for killing time could you live forever? 

• Podiatrists with empty appointment calendars are light on their feet.

• How will you feel if you avoid #COVID2019 and live to be 103 and get to heaven and find all the good parking spaces have been taken?

• My greatest fear is that the only "sport" contested all summer involves excessive hot dog consumption and that by then I’ll be so bereft I’ll actually give a damn ... Well, that's not my greatest fear. But it's in the Top 500!

• I guess I can understand the rationale, but it's still jarring. Wikipedia lists Charles Manson's occupation as "singer-songwriter" and he is thus in their eyes professional peers with Taylor Swift.

• I’m amazed to learn germs can jump nearly 6 feet. This would be remarkable if germs had legs. But they do not. How do they do it? Six feet! It would be like me broad jumping from here and landing in Denver. ESPN ought to organize germ olympics. I'd watch.

• Irony of living in these uncertain times is how so much uncertainty could produce so many who are absolutely certain they're never wrong

• Reading newspapers on-line is to reading actual newspapers what phone sex is to actual lovemaking. Gone is the soul, the serendipity and chance to get your hands good and dirty during the touchy endeavor.

• People are critical of hoarders and those trying to make an indecent profit off their stash, but to me it makes perfect sense. The biggest assholes are always going to need the most toilet paper.

• I’m amazed that weeks into this crisis and many partisans still think Coronavirus has a scoreboard with tallies for Republicans and Democrats.


Melissa Boerio said...

Next up on The Ocho: Germ Olympics!

Chris Rodell said...

The slo-mo would be like watching a lava light.