Monday, April 4, 2022

What if Jesus returns today to my office at 3 pm?

(489 words)

What if Jesus returns today at about 3 p.m.? I’m hoping He does and I hope He decides to materialize right here in my office. Why here?

I suspect The Lord is going to need a stiff drink or two, and The Tin Lizzy is a great place to initiate some introductory philosophizing.

And 3 p.m. would be good because it would allow me to maybe bang out a tweet  or two before I blew off the rest of the day advising the King of Kings about the number of challenges to save a world that is looking increasingly godforsaken. 

“First of  all,” I’ll say, “we need you to hustle out to Ukraine and end the war that is devastating Eastern Europe. Then there is bitter divisions here in the U.S.A. mostly goaded by mostly old white men who fancy they’re you.

“Then there’s climate change, the disappearance of species who’ve thrived since Noah, and, yeah, we’d all like to know where you come down on the whole Will Smith/Chris Rock thing.”

Understand, we’re talking about The Second Coming. Happening today.

In my office!

I wonder if He’ll buy books. I wonder if He’ll carry cash or I’ll have to have Him explain crypto to me. 

I wonder how He’ll go about fulfilling the scripture so long foretold. 

Much of the Bible can be wildly contradictory on what happens during  J.C. v.2.0.

It says He will cleanse the world. Would it be possible for Him to warm up by cleansing my office?

It says He will usher in a 1,000 year period where He will rule the Earth. That sounds good, but half America will be pissed if He does it by being too cozy with one of the other partisan networks.

Then what’s to be made of this?

You’re going to Sodom and Gomorrah

But what do you care? Ain’t nobody there would want to marry your sister

Friend to the martyr, a friend to the woman of shame

You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name

At the risk of being labeled a Hell-bound false prophet, that is not Biblical. It’s Bob Dylan. I try and slip some enigmatic Dylan lyrics in whenever I quote the Bible in the hopes a theologian will explain them to me.

What can I say? Some people seek the meaning of life.

I seek the meaning of Bob Dylan.

One of the big things about the second Coming, according to believers is Jesus will separate the believers from the unjust and — Zip!!! — send the unworthy all to Hell.

War, want, injustice, addiction, hatred, loneliness …

If He does come to my office today at 3 p.m., I’m going to gently recommend He take a forgiving posture on who He deems deserving of soulful dispatch to Hell.

It looks to me like too many of us are already there

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