Wednesday, July 2, 2008

A-Rod & Madonna? Say it ain't so!

I defended him when the vicious boo birds said he couldn’t hit in the clutch. I said he’d pull out of it when a dizzying bout of throwing yips led to near daily SportsCenter ridicule.

But it was revealed this week that one of the greatest baseball players who ever lived has done something so egregious that it had even me, an ardent defender and fan, standing up to shout at the TV, “Boo! You stink! You’re a bum! Boo! Booo! BOOOO!”

What happened?

Alex Rodriguez cheated on his wife with Madonna.

Now, unfaithfulness is such a rampant societal scourge that I’d never judge a man or woman for failing their marital vows. For instance, I’d never heckle a dusty accountant for offering his divorced secretary the kind of midnight extension that would go unrecognized by IRS computers. Between lonely, consenting adults, it’s a very human failing.

And professional baseball players? Forget about it. I think most of us would be surprised to find a ballplayer was even the least bit faithful. They make tons of money, are on the road for long stretches and are constantly tempted by baseball groupies who promise illicit delights.

What? You thought the perks were restricted to no waiting at airports?

My problem with Rodriguez is not that he’s breaking the Sixth Commandment.

It’s that, for heaven’s sake, he’s breaking it with Madonna!

What? Was Cher busy?

US Weekly is reporting the 32-year-old married Yankee has been making midnight visits to Madonna, 49, who is estranged from her dippy director husband, Guy Ritchie.

The magazine reports that Rodriguez has been sneaking in and out of her Manhattan apartment and that “all the doormen are talking.” In addition, the $28-million-a-year ballplayer attended Madonna’s April 30 NYC concert; she sat in his Yankee seats at a June 22 game (the first time she’s ever been photographed at any Yankee game); and -- get this -- her son Rocco, 7, was spotted wearing Yankee gear on June 25 while playing in Central Park.

A young New York city lad wearing a Yankee cap while playing in Central Park? What further proof could anyone need!

I confess there was a time in my life when I was intoxicated by Madonna’s erotic tug. It was 1982 and I saw her on TV and thought, “Wow. The way she moves, her beguiling mix of innocence and experience. Now, there’s a woman that could really make a man out of me . . .”

I recall that intense feeling lasted until MTV VJ Martha Quinn announced that the next video would feature Pat Benatar. Then I thought the same thing about her. And then about Olivia Newton-John. Then Chaka Khan.

Heck, I remember thinking it about the skinny, buck-toothed girl who took the trays away in the cafeteria.

I was a college freshman eager to meet any woman who could make a man out of me.

The only thing that’s changed about Madonna and me in those 25-plus years is that today I’m fairly confident that I, like A-Rod, could have a carnal go at her. If not now, then someday soon. I can be patient. I’m sure my time will come.

So, too, will yours (and I’m optimistic about that for both male and female readers).

But we’re not A-Rod! We’re not Yankees!

He should be doing much better. Heck, I recall seeing three women on the Fleetwood commuter train platform near where my buddy lives that would be more impressive couplings for someone like him.

And what about Ashley Dupree, former Governor Eliott Spitzer’s $4,000-an-hour call girl? She and Rodriguez would have made a wonderfully scandalous couple. And what a babe.

I’m no Yankee fan, but I admire certain aspects of their storied tradition.

Joe DiMaggio dated and married Marilyn Monroe at the height of her fame and beauty. And the only place the great Derek Jeter does better than the ballfield is the nightclub. He’s been linked to six of Maxim’s list of the 100 hottest women on the planet including Scarlett Johansson and the Jessicas Alba and Biel (Madonna didn’t make the list, by the way. Maybe she’s 101).

Then there’s the legendary George Herman Ruth, the greatest Yankee of them all. Ruth is known for combining great baseball with monumental carousing that included loving some of the most beautiful young women of the day.

So, clearly, A-Rod is no Babe.

And neither is Madonna.

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