Showing posts with label Dana Carvey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dana Carvey. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Earth Day? We need a Mirth Day


Too many people gaze into the morning mirror and catalog too many perceived imperfections. They see the turkey neck, eyelids that droop or that heroic schnoz momentous enough to be detected and tracked by Google Earth.

Some eventually seek cosmetic solutions.

But there’s no surgery for my most glaring facial flaw.

My face conveys no mirth.

It has no playfulness. No subsurface joy that looks eager to emerge. My expression does nothing to tickle yours.

I’m am not alone.

Gaze today into the faces of nearly everyone you pass at work or on some busy sidewalk. Our faces have become masks. No one makes eye contact. No one has the giddy kernels of a budding smile tugging at their lips.

We’re all shadows with shadows.

It’s perfectly understandable. I don’t know which is more surprising: that anyone follows the news or that anyone who follows the news is ever brave enough to step outside.

Indeed, Earth is in the sad midst of a mirth dearth

I came to this realization when watching the recent “SNL 40” special a few months ago.

Of all the very funny people on that happy show, I saw two faces that really stood out as most imbuing the joyful mirth we’re all missing.

They were the faces Gilda Radner and Dana Carvey. Both have faces of such utter mirth and joy it’s impossible to imagine either of them being serious or depressed.

It was especially that way with Radner, whose mirthful face made Santa look like a sourpuss.

Maybe my rapturous feelings for Radner are colored by poignant recollection of her 1989 book, “It’s Always Something.” Val and I remember thoroughly enjoying an audio version of it during a long vacation drive. I remember Radner sharing about how much fun life can be and how you can wring merry mirth out of even the most difficult situations.

And she wrote about it when she was dying of ovarian cancer at age 42!

Talk about indomitable mirth.

She was married to Gene Wilder at the time. Can you imagine if life were at all fair and she would have lived and these two magnificent humorists had conceived a child?

I have to believe the child would have been a spiky-haired cartoon.

Here’s a suggestion if you’re having a bad day: Try to imagine the faces Gilda would make in the throes of childbirth. It’s hilarious.

Carvey, too, for that matter. In fact, Dana Carvey pregnant would be one of the funniest things in history.

It could still happen. My fingers are crossed.

What disappoints me is I believe I have an enormous reservoir of inner mirth practically squiring out my ears. I’m always thinking light-hearted thoughts about things like unicorns, rainbows and stupid fart jokes.

It’s just you’d never know it from looking at me. I’ve been told my face looks like it’s always busy calculating how to reset the Doomsday Clock another minute or two nearer our mutually assured mass destruction.

Sad, but true.

Mine is the kind of stoic face that looks like it belongs in a police line-up which, incidentally, is a bucket-list ambition of mine.

It’s crisscrossed with jagged evidence of surgeries resulting from old tree-climbing accidents, youth hockey games and an Athens, Ohio, bar fight that nearly cost me a sizable chunk of ear cartilage. 

Beneath all that, there is tremendous mirth. I revel in life. You’d just never know it by looking at me.

Maybe you’re that way, too.

Maybe the problem isn’t the size of our noses, our receding hairlines or all our chipped and crooked teeth.

Maybe the problem is all in our eyes.

We are unable to envision what’s buried beneath all the scar tissue.


Related . . .







Thursday, July 28, 2011

Where have you gone, Ross Perot?

It pains the academic in me to realize the best way to educate a forgetful America on the folly of the Tea Party simpletons is to urge them to seek a classic 1992 clip from Saturday Night Live.


It may have been the most uproarious skit the show’s ever done. It features the late Phil Hartman (oh, how I miss him!) and Dana Carvey.


Hartman played Bill Clinton and Carvey incumbent President George H.W. Bush.


But Carvey had double duty. Through split-screen chicanery, he also played a man who at the time surpassed even the current Tea Party in political impact and sound-bite stupidity.


That would be H. Ross Perot.


If you’ve become fired with political passions in just the past two years it probably means two things: One, you’re a Tea Party Patriot convinced you have all the answers; and, two, you’ve likely never heard of Perot.


And that’s a pity.


Just five months prior to the ’92 presidential election, he was leading in the polls over both Bush and Clinton.


The Texan became a self-made billionaire through founding Electronic Data Systems. And he oversaw a daring a rescue mission of two hostage employees from Iran in 1979, an operation that became the basis for Ken Follett’s “On Wings of Eagles,” a best-seller and eventual miniseries.


He was one of the most admired men in America.


Then he made a crucial tactical error.


He opened his mouth. And America learned the only thing more entertaining than hearing Carvey lampoon him was hearing Perot speak for himself.


He was folksy. He got $5 haircuts. He talked about going to Washington to clean out the barn and giant sucking sound we’d hear if we elected anyone but him.


He just made it all sound so simple.


And he wasn’t interested in compromise and would mercilessly ridiculed as elitist anyone who disagreed with him. He made his operatives sign loyalty oaths.


Any of this starting to sound familiar?


I remember one presidential debate in which Perot -- I swear to God -- held up a poster of an outline of Arkansas with the silhouette of a chicken dominating the entire state.


He was saying if we elected Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton president we’d all wind up plucking chickens.


To quote Secret Agent Maxwell Smart, “Missed it by that much!”


Clinton took over a sluggish economy, raised taxes on the rich (Perot, to his credit, was perfectly okay with this), and launched one of the greatest job-creating economies the world has ever seen. It was eight years of peace, prosperity and all that other stuff.


He left office in 2000 with a balanced budget augmented by a $230 billion surplus. Economically, his presidency was such a success it’s surprising the Republicans haven’t tried claim him as one of their own.


But what happened to Perot?


It’s like he rode that giant chicken into the sunset never to be heard from again.


His near complete disappearance from public life is incredible.


At 81, he has a net worth of $3.4 billion and Forbes ranks him the 99th richest man in America.


Yet the man who once had all the answers today refuses to address any of the questions.


John McCain, who as much as any man alive helped conceive the Tea Party, yesterday on the floor of the U.S. Senate denounced them as “hobbits” inhabiting a “bizarro” world where they are “deceiving” their constituents.


The few grownups that remain in the Republican Party look feckless and scared in the face of the Frankenstein monster they raised up on birther hysteria, anti-tax mania and the demonization of the government they view the way the rest of us view the Taliban.


Yes, America, just as that Moses of the Tea Party warned, there is indeed a giant sucking sound.


And it’s becoming increasingly clear as to the identity of the ones who suck the most.