The knee-jerk reaction to the 5 Iranian Women’s Soccer players who were granted Australian asylum is that they would be persecuted for not singing the Iranian National Anthem.
I think with more nuance.
Like maybe the song just sucks.
These women must be enlightened by Iranian standards at least. Did you know Iranian women have enjoyed voting rights since 1963?
I did not know that.
I have to figure they’re really bad at voting because they keep picking the exact same, angry bearded men over and over and over.
The Iranian National Anthem was composed by Sayed Bagheri, 57. He was 19 when he wrote “Sun of the East” and is today a political science professor in Tehran, assuming he’s survived the onslaught of the past 15 days.
Here are some sample lyrics. Keep in mind, he was 19 when he wrote this:
When we think of those East End Lights
Muggy nights
The curtains drawn in the little room downstairs
Prima Donna Allah you really shoulda been there
Sitting like a princess perched in her electric chair
And it’s one more beer and I don’t hear you
Anymore!
Sorry, that’s not “Sun of the East. It’s Elton John’s “Someone Saved my Life Tonight.”
It is not the Iranian National Anthem. Or maybe it is. In fact, I saw articles that said Iran has four national anthems. You’d think they could trade in a couple of them for one leader who didn’t interpret obscure passages in Holy texts as a license to kill.
But having four sort of tracks with an idea I’ve pushed for years now: change the national anthem to reflect the governing posture of the current POTUS. Two recent examples:
• Barack Obama: “Why Can’t We be Friends,” ironically a song beseeching friendship by a band named “War.”
• Joe Biden: “(All I Have to Do is) “Dream,” by the Everly Brothers.
Our national anthem is 224 years old. Now, that can’t hold a candle to “The Wilhelmus,” the world’s oldest national anthem. They’ve been belting that one out in The Netherlands since 1578.
I didn’t realize anyone started singing out loud until the 1950s.
It’s like John Lennon said when asked about singers like Bing Crosby.
“Before Elvis,” he said, “there was nothing.”
I’m a student of national anthems from around the world and the quirky customs they instigate. We can learn a lot about our fellow Earthlings by studying the songs that inspire and unite them.
That’s why I’m proposing the United Nations clear some auditorium space and prepare to host a talent competition where pop stars from countries around the world sing their national anthems and relate just how close they come to the ideals espoused by their most patriotic songs.
We could bring back my all-time favorite of celebrity judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson — and have them heckle the hapless artists as they defend their anthems and the contributions their nation’s have made to the greater good.
It’s too controversial for me to suggest a singer who won’t be divisive.
But few hear will argue with me that the song that most captures the zeitgeist of President Trump and his administration is by Queen from 1977.
Yes, I’m proposing our national anthem for the time being should be …
We Will Rock You!
It’s combative. Declarative. It’s so in-your-face that when you turn the other cheek it head butts you right between the eyes.
Sing it with me!
We Will! We Will Rock You!
We Will! We Will Rock You!
We Will! We Will Rock You!
I just pray that one day we’ll all wake up and realize all the deadly rocking has suddenly stopped.
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