Showing posts with label child abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child abuse. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Beating supporters need an attitudinal switch

The good news for the NFL this week is that for now feckless commissioner Roger Goodell is no longer the media whipping boy.

The bad news is the media are focusing on NFL star Adrian Peterson and the boy he whipped.

Peterson admitted to using a tree branch to whip his 4-year-old son so hard that it left open wounds all over the boy’s legs, butt and scrotum. You may have seen pictures of the scars.

Well, of the physical scars. 

The psychological ones sure to come from having someone you love terrorize you might not emerge for years.

My first reaction, of course, is distress. I can’t imagine anything a 4 year old would do to deserve such a beating (Peterson says he pushed his sibling off from a video game control panel).

But anyone familiar with the daily news is numb to that kind of brutality against children. 

What is news to me, however, is how much support there is for the 6-foot-1, 217-pound, locomotive who beat the boy.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child,” they say, citing the Biblical justification for more wanton violence against innocents than any six words in history.

They’re saying this is okay. It’s a way of life. 

This from Charles Barkley: “Whipping — we do that all the time. Every black parent in the South is going to be in jail under those circumstances.”

Well, then we either need to change or build bigger jails because it’s impossible to justify what Peterson did to his son.

I’m surprised to hear a black man from the South defend a peculiar institution that looks to the rest of the civilized world like something barbaric. Because he sounds just like the white Dixie politicians who used to defend slavery and Jim Crow laws and all the quaint Southern customs that led to lynchings.

This is just the way things are. 

I like Barkley and consider him thoughtful, if bombastically so.

But if he thinks Peterson shouldn’t go to jail for this, then he’s blind to a culture that needs to change.

He makes the good point that me, someone who grew up a privileged white guy in a nice neighborhood, shouldn’t judge Peterson, a kid who like many young black men, had to dodge the odds that said he’d either wind up dead or in jail.

Peterson’s father, an outstanding athlete in his own right, dreamed of playing in the NBA. Those dreams were derailed when a gun his brother was cleaning discharged into his leg.

My father dreamed of playing golf at Pebble Beach. And in 1985 he did.

When he was 13, Peterson’s father was jailed for laundering money for a local crack cocaine ring.

When I was 13, my father used to drive the car loaded with heavy stacks of Sunday newspapers so we could finish in time to go golfing where Dad would always win.

My father beat me at golf.

His father beat him with a switch.

Of course, maybe Barkley’s right. Maybe if my Dad have ever beaten me even once I’d have become more accomplished, more disciplined. More like Peterson, whose last contract was for $96 million.

So part of me sees the point Barkley’s trying to make.

Barkley says without the beatings he wouldn’t be where he is today.

Statistically, he’s one of the lucky ones — black men who’ve played professional sports and gone onto lucrative broadcasting careers. Many more turn out like Peterson’s father.

So savage beatings like the one Peterson gave his son may have worked out for Barkley.

To his credit, blowhard ESPN yapper Cris Carter said in an emotional interview that his mother was wrong to beat him and that the beatings have to stop.

No one can argue that cycles of violence and poverty are particularly crushing to the demographics Barkley so cavalierly defends.

So we can all see what tough love can do.

Maybe it’s time we encourage one another to try it with just a little less tough and a little more love.


Related . . .



Monday, September 8, 2014

What to say when you see a parent mistreat a child

I finally, after years of awkward fuming, figured out what to say to a parent who’s abusing a child in public.

And, no, it’s not, ‘You’re under arrest.”

I only wish I had the power to send abusive parents to jail.

 Or straight to hell, really.

I must not have been paying attention when parents were told it was okay to physically and verbally abuse children, usually 10 and under, in the malls, grocery stores and places known for family fun.

We buy family passes to Idlewild amusement park because it’s just 7 miles from home and is perfectly fun and charming.

Having the family passes mean we can go on a sunny day whim and not feel the stressful obligation to get our money’s worth out of the pricer day pass. That’s why one afternoon a few weeks ago Lucy, 8, and I decided, hey, let’s just the two of us go for dinner and a stroll at Idlewild.

But I don’t think I want to buy family passes next year.

In fact, I don’t want to go back until I can afford to buy the whole park. That way I could keep out anyone who’s mean to children.

It’s a tricky situation for polite people when they see a parent give a kid a really good whack in public.

Is it really any of our business? Is one smack abuse or just old school discipline? Is two? Three?

Many people believe our children are under-disciplined, that we’ve spared too many rods on too many children, incidentally, the Biblical justification for more wanton violence against innocents than any six words in the history of mankind.

I wonder if that’s what an overwrought young mother was thinking when she grabbed her screaming 3 year old by the arm and give him a sharp slap across the face. 

I know at moments like this we’re supposed to pause and ask what Jesus would do, but I reflexively found myself wishing I’d had the instincts of more secular gods.

Like Dr. Phil. Or Chuck Norris.

Or, better still, Seal Team 6.

I’d need one guy to secure the area, one to spirit the kid and his three brothers and sisters to safe location and two to chopper the parents to an undisclosed dark site for extensive waterboarding.

Sadly, that wasn’t the worst episode me and my shy, sweet little daughter witnessed at Idlewild.

That’s be the one involving Parker and the disputed chicken nugget.

Again, I understand the stresses of parenting and that we all have our triggers. But no one should ever mistreat a child over processed chicken parts.

But that’s what happened to poor little Parker. I guess he’s about 6.

His mother, is either about 35 or 22. There were two adult women at the picnic table. The quiet, cowed one was about 22. The loud mean one was about 35.

She was either the mother, grandmother or maybe a really crabby aunt. It’s difficult to tell anymore because so many American family trees are all forked up.

At the table were were three other young children and not a father in site. I’m guessing he was either in jail or in some bar rejoicing about being away from that big mean bitch.

They’d had a tough day. There was no joy amongst them, only a misery so dense it smothered a place people have been going to enjoy since 1878.

The tough babe grabbed Parker by the shoulder and shoved him onto the bench. He wailed.

“I’m sick and tired of your crying!” she screamed, leading Parker to cry even more loudly. “And you’re not getting one single chicken nugget! They’re mine! Mine!”

A torrent of stinging insults followed. Her words were more brutal than a fist. In my mind she’d turned into Doug Niedermeyer, the ROTC bully from “Animal House.” She was saying poor little Parker was worthless and weak.

It was heartbreaking.

I looked at Lucy and saw she was dumbfounded. She was seeing something that was not in her realm of experience, something that needed explaining. I gathered myself and said, “Don’t worry about Parker. One day he’s going to do plenty of things that’ll make her more miserable than she’s ever made him.”

The notion led me to what I think is the perfect thing to say to a man or woman who’s abusing a child in public. It’s a threat posing as a question:

“Aren’t you worried that by treating him like this now he’ll one day kill you in your sleep?”
That kind of thing happens all the time. And by saying it aloud in front of Parker, it’d maybe give him some ideas. It might even for a moment give an abusive parent pause to think about consequences.

Because Parker’s not going to be little for long. He didn’t get the chicken nugget, but he’s going to grow.

Of course, I kept my mouth shut.

My question, even asked with honest innocence, would likely have caused the woman to explode at me. I’m sure I could have outrun her, but little Lucy is not as fleet of foot and I fear the beast would have snagged and eaten her — right after slathering her in honey mustard.

But I do hope to use that line someday in the same situation.

I can’t send abusive parents to jail or hell and I’d likely do time if I got into a fight with a woman like that, not to mention endure the embarrassment of getting my ass kicked.

So I did what I could. I said a little prayer that Parker would one day overcome the challenges of growing up in such a hateful environment.

And I, as I do every night, told my darling daughters that they are loved and they are beautiful. And I told Lucy she can eat chicken nuggets till her little heart desires or, I guess if you believe nutrition warning labels, stops beating.

To hell with the Old Testament.

I’m sparring the rod.

I’m spoiling the child.


Related . . .