Showing posts with label Latrobe Country Club. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Latrobe Country Club. Show all posts

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Thirsting for one last drink with Arnold Palmer


Last week I confessed to a crime I’ve yet to commit.

It’ll be retail theft, a judicial term that robs my crime of all its spirituality.

See, my theft will involve spirits.

I’m vowing to one day pilfer a half-full bottle of premium whisky from behind the bar at the Tin Lizzy and sip-by-sip over maybe an hour or two transfer its entire contents from their bottle to my belly.

Cheers!

My motive?

I’m missing Arnie.

Dead nearly six months, I’m beginning to realize Arnold Palmer may not be coming back. He’s overcome long odds to succeed all his life so I still refuse to be conclusive.

It’s a pity, one that has many of us here in Latrobe feeling mighty melancholy since September 25. He was 87.

The loss is especially poignant today, the first day of the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill Club & Lodge in Orlando. The golf news is full of tributes and reminders that, yes, he’s really gone.

It feels like it felt the week before Christmas after some big meanie said Santa was make believe.

A friend said, “I knew he wasn’t going to live forever, but that reality didn’t prepare me for the day when he’d be gone — pfft! — just like that.”

Understand, my friend isn’t a country clubber, one of the local elite who’d rub elbows with Palmer at fundraisers or galas with bankers, surgeons and others in what for a blue collar town amount to high society.

He’s a plumber.

He’d see Palmer at local restaurants, at the airport and often driving his golf cart from Latrobe Country Club to his home. Over the years he’d done some work for him, but nothing consequential.

He is — and I mean no disparagement to my friend — a nobody.

Just not to Arnold Palmer.

“Yeah, no matter who you were or what you did he just had a way of making you feel special. That’s a nice thing to do if it’s just someone you know from church. But for a celebrity known around the world to do that is just really special.”

So true.

It’s why I’m eager to thieve Palmer’s hootch.

A reliable source told me the bar kept the bottle for Palmer who’d enjoy a nip anytime he’d come into the Tin Lizzy, which he often did.

“No one will ever drink from that bottle again. We’re keeping it in memory of Mr. Palmer.”

So now I covet it.

I want to snatch the bottle from behind the bar and sneak it and two shot glasses up here to my office and enjoy a real reverie.

Or maybe a seance. 

I’d like to conjure Palmer’s ghost.

Booze — and I know this from woozy experience — is helpful when it comes to conjuring. Palmer booze, I’d have to think, would render a particularly powerful assist.

I’d just like to spend a thoughtful hour or two recalling all he meant to me and Latrobe. I’d like to immerse myself in the memory of his boisterous laugh, his twinkle, his cheer, his playful warmth and ebullience.

He was a man so buoyant I always suspected his blood was carbonated.

Many of the golf tributes over the next four days will focus on the vacancy, how they can’t believe a man like that is really gone.

Maybe we all have it backwards.

What’s really difficult to believe is that a man like that ever really lived.



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Tuesday, November 22, 2016

RIP Jerry Palmer: Poor golfer/great friend


Our friend Jerry was simultaneously the worst golfer and the sweetest guy I’ve ever known.

The two rarely equate.

Bad golfers throw clubs.

Jerry threw parties.

Of course, all the obituaries will note this splendidly preposterous golfer was the younger brother of Arnold Palmer, one of the greatest golfers in history. 

Jerry, 72, died just 55 days after his brother, 87. It seems so unfair.

I’d argue that Jerry was the only person on the planet who loved golf more than Arnold.

Arnold’s love of golf left him richly rewarded. From a young age, his achievements nurtured his love. Golf bestowed Arnold with wealth, adulation and historic renown that will forever endure.

If golf is a mistress, she succumbed to Arnold.

She ridiculed Jerry, taunted his courtship, denied her comely affections.

He didn’t care. He never stopped loving her.

There’s real beauty in that.

Golfers love the older brother but, man, most of us can really relate to the younger one.

If golf was unkind to him, everyone who knew him — and he knew everyone — made up for it. 

It was just so easy being nice to Jerry. The brother of The King was a real prince.

I’d known him about 15 years. I profiled him for Kingdom Magazine in 2008 (link below). 

The thrust of the article was, gee, what’s it like growing up and living in the shadow of one of the world’s most famous and beloved men? There are plenty of cases of resentful siblings who let residual fame warp them into dysfunction.

It was never a problem with Jerry. 

C’mon, I asked, wasn’t being Arnold’s brother ever a burden?

“Honestly, I can’t think of a single burden,” he said. “I enjoy my life. I have two wonderful children, a job I love and I have one of the world’s biggest celebrities for a big brother and the celebrity just happens to be a great guy in every way.”

We talked for 90 minutes. Then he took me to lunch, we played 18 holes of golf and enjoyed cocktails long into the night.

I’m happy now that Jerry had many, many days that went exactly like that.

While he was always sunny, the memory of him I’ll carry longest is one of meteorological misery.

For years, me, Jerry, his insurance agent and a state cop — his friendships were delightfully eclectic — would drive to Stonewall Resort in Roanoake, West Virginia, for golf and camaraderie. It was our year-end custom.

He’s played at many of the finest courses in the world, but always said Stonewall was one of his favorites.

Mine, too!

But on this day the forecast was discouraging. Day-long rains, bitter gusts, and descending temperatures — I argued we skip in favor of what I was certain would be a long, boozy lunch near a roaring fire

Jerry wouldn’t hear of it. He was determined to uphold our tradition.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more miserable on a golf course. After one hole, we were drenched, chilled to the bone.

I remember at the 9th hole we had what you might consider a golfer’s intervention.

“Jerry this is nuts.”

 “Let’s quit.”

“The bar’s open!”

Jerry wouldn’t hear of it: “I really think the weather’s going to change. And why would we quit when we’re all having so much fun?”

He was correct. The weather did change.

It got even worse.

I remember being at the most distant point from the warmth of the clubhouse and in a driving rain seeing Jerry whiff again and again and again at a ball stuck in a difficult lie.

And he looked like the happiest man in the world.

Later at dinner, he jabbed us for having wanted to quit.

“Wasn’t that fun?” he said. “Wasn’t that just the greatest day?”

It was. Just marvelous.

Just like Jerry.

I imagine him in heaven right now, the sweet, smiling guy who looks like he’s been there all along.



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Friday, October 23, 2015

Jonesin' for Xarelto: New Arnold Palmer ad


We’re putting an emphatic pause on this blog’s kneejerk disdain for pharmaceutical greed to celebrate some chest-thumping news here in Latrobe.
Our local country club is featured in what to me is the “Gone With The Wind” of pharmaceutical commercials, a 90-second epic of sweeping drama, humor and potential side effects which may include bleeding, fainting, itching, muscle pain and spasms.
Why the policy hiccup?
Arnold Palmer is endorsing Xarelto!
Networks are airing the second commercial for the drug, but this one was filmed at Latrobe Country Club. Besides Palmer it stars Kevin Nealon, NASCAR driver Brian Vickers and NBA star Chris Bosh.
It’s the first drug ad I’ve DVRd for convenient repeat viewings.
Xarelto prevents strokes by making blood thinner, a fact that leads me to believe Big Pharma is about to seize the obvious opportunity to release yet another erectile dysfunction drug proven to make other things thicker.
They could call it XXXarelto.
The ad’s cool to me because it’s local and because Palmer’s also on the cover of my book endorsing . . .
Me!
I remain very proud of that and wish my father had been alive to see it.
He died in 2004 of an aortic embolism. Who knows? Maybe he’d still be alive today had he seen then an ad with Palmer endorsing Xarelto.
Certainly, the old man bought anything Palmer suggested he should, the exceptions being Rolex wrist watches, Cadillac Coup de Villes or other luxury items too cost-prohibitive for an ever-humble optician.
But I thrill to see the commercial because it features the course I play more than any other.
I’m not a member, of course, but I’m friends with members who are kind enough to invite me to join them there. It’s always a treat.
Plus, I like to soulfully celebrate the man while we still can.
He was beloved and then just seemed to disappear. Many of his most ardent fans wondered if he’d died.
Now, he’s back.
But he could go at any minute. The guy’s not getting any younger.
I’m talking, of course, about Kevin Nealon.
He’s a wonderful comic and was uniformly hilarious on SNL from 1987-96, where Nealon, 61, was part of what to me was the show’s best cast.
He wasn’t as big a star as Mike Myers, Dana Carvey or Chris Rock, but he never stumbled and was reliably hilarious as Mr. Subliminal and one half of Hanz and Franz.
Plus, I know the guy loves golf.
Seeing him on TV always makes me happy.
I wish while he was here filming we could have met and had a drink or two. Or maybe popped some freebie Xareltos.
I know nothing about the race car driver and all I know about Chris Bosh was that he was once teammates with LeBron James.
Now, Palmer. Him, I know.
I’ve interviewed him more than 50 times and by now all we do is banter. It’s a real joy to me.
And, honest, I think it is to him, too.
How cool is that?
I had one of my favorite exchanges with him earlier this summer.
We were talking about Westerns and how he was once invited to star in a cowboy flick that never got made.
I asked if he’d ever met John Wayne.
“Never did,” he said. “But I’m good friends with Clint Eastwood. We had dinner last week. We own Pebble Beach together, you know.”
I did know. The pair were part of a group that in 1999 paid $820 million for the earthly Eden.
He was very casual about saying he owned one of the world’s most famous golf resorts. It was sort of like the way I say I own the DVD collections for all six seasons of the John Lithgow sitcom, “3rd Rock from the Sun.”
Not bragging. Just sayin’. 
I asked him how Clint’s doing.
He kind of shrugged in a sympathetic way and said, “Oh, he’s okay. We’re both 86 and we’re both having the same kind of issues.”
He said it in a way that conveyed growing old ain’t for sissies.
His tone led me to ask an impulsive question that immediately resurrected the steely competitor in the aging warrior.
“Who’d win a wrestling match between you and Clint?”
“Oh, I’d kick his ass.”
It was hilarious.
I think his reflexive outburst to challenge surprised him as being somehow impolite and he tried to backtrack.
“He has stand-ins. I do all my own stunts.”
I just love that man.
And to this day I know if I could arrange a pay-per-view wrestling match between Clint Eastwood and Arnold Palmer I’d never have to worry about money ever again.
The concept is something to think about next time you see Palmer, one of America's most ebullient legends, on TV.
Side effects may include irrational exuberance toward hometown celebrity spokespersons.


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Friday, August 15, 2014

My summer job: Latrobe tour guide



 “Help! My daughters cast a spell that turned me smaller than an Arnold Palmer golf ball and there’s a grasshopper coming to eat me!”

I wish I could have shared that line with you earlier this week, but I’ve been busy playing tour guide.

That’s what happens when you live in Latrobe when the Pittsburgh Steelers are in town for training camp.

The picture was taken behind the front desk of the Marriott SpringHill Suites hotel, a place I’ve spent so much time the staff is starting to ask me when it’s my turn to bring donuts.

It happens every summer. Out-of-town buddies plan a Latrobe pilgrimage to see the Steelers, play golf and meet Arnold Palmer.

They expect me to arrange all this.

I try my best.

The Steeler camp, man, that’s a cinch. They let anybody in.

It gets tricky when they want me to arrange golf at Latrobe Country Club and introduce them to Arnold Palmer. They think we’re so buddy-buddy I can invite myself over to Palmer’s house for drinks after a freebie round of golf.

They are mistaken.

If I were that close to Palmer I’d devote my entire existence to conniving a way to get him to alter his will so I’d get a healthy cut of it for my greedy little self.

But sometimes that’s the way it works out. Just this week I had a friend from Florida visit. We’d met a couple years ago on a Mississippi golf trip. We hit it off and made plans to stay in touch.

He’s Andy Reinstetter and has what most consider a dream job. He travels the globe golfing for free. 

His AndyGolfTravelDiary blog does well enough that he can usually secure free golf from top clubs and lodging from sympathetic hotel GMs.

He once had a traditional corporate job and one day woke up and said, “Screw this, I’d rather golf.”

He doesn’t earn much loot, but he’s one of the most cheerful and self-fulfilled gentlemen I’ve ever met. And he’s the biggest golf nut I know.

How big? During the day when I toured him around Latrobe he wore knickers and carried a hickory shafted golf club everywhere we went.

Needless to say, I didn’t take him to The Pond.

We spent Wednesday night at the Marriott and met Jimmy Robinson, a former NFL wide receiver who showed us the knuckle-busting Super Bowl ring he won coaching the ’11 Green Bay Packers.

He was so friendly I barely begrudged him for beating the Steelers that year to win the ring.

We couldn’t golf the next day because the club was hosting a political fundraiser U.S. Rep. Tim Murphy, but I was able to get Andy a full tour of the Palmer offices, the warehouse and clubhouse.

And, yes, he got to meet Arnold Palmer.

And U.S. Rep. Tim Murphy!

I was personally thrilled to meet Murphy because how often do any of us get to in person berate a House Republican? He was all by himself on the putting green (the other golfers had already started their rounds).

And I did, indeed, give him hell.

He started right in with the friendly chat and cut him off and said, “What are you, a moderately conservative Republican, doing to earn the support of someone like me, a moderately liberal voter, who thinks Tea Party conservatives are the biggest obstacle to sensible governing?”

He told me he’s concentrating on issues important to our district and that he, a practicing psychologist, is on the forefront of improving America’s mental health.

I told him that’s what I do, too!

I told him about my book. We exchanged cards. I’m going to send him a copy of “Use All The Crayons!” and a request that he put me in touch with mental health groups that need lively speakers.

I told him helping me would be a practical two-fer: He’d be improving America’s mental health while simultaneously boosting the humble fortunes of one of his district’s most beleaguered taxpayers.

Andy was taking the notes the whole time. He does a lot of that. That and taking pictures. He’s going to do a segment about me and his visit to Latrobe.

I’m very flattered.

He left Wednesday, about six hours before the arrival of my nephew and his girlfriend. Their three-day tour concludes Saturday.

That should be it until next summer when it’ll start up all over again.

I’m, for now, glad it’s about to end. I didn’t earn any money the last two weeks spending so much time pretending I’m a Latrobe tour guide.

I’m eager to get back to again not earning any money pretending I’m a Latrobe writer.


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Monday, March 24, 2014

Results of my weekend crashes, the computer and the car

Determined to overcome vexing computer problems, I made the hour-long drive into Pittsburgh Sunday morning with the expectation of returning home about $1,300 lighter. I figured I’d need to buy a new laptop.

Turns out I was half right.

I drove home about $1,300 lighter. But I didn’t get a new laptop.

And I spent a good portion of the last 24 hours wondering if I’d had a very good or a very bad day.

On Saturday the friendly repair gang at the Apple store in Shadyside said my computer would be ready Sunday, but they never sent word if it was done or if the hard drive restoration problem had been resolved.

So I did some resolving of my own: I decided I was going to drive in and lay out about $1,300 for a new MacBook Air. My MacBook Pro was about five years old and I figured I’d better shell out for a new one rather than spend more money on an old one that was overdue to expire anyway.

I don’t like spending money I don’t have, but I do like getting shiny new stuff and the Discover card could float the balance until that long overdue Powerball ticket finally cha-chinged.

Understand, I didn’t even know if it was ready. So driving there in time for the store opening at 11 a.m. was a bit of risk. I’d spent a good deal of time in the car the past two days trying to get this thing fixed and was eager to get home for some Sunday relaxation.

Lo and behold, they told me it was done, it was repaired, and the charge was just $59.

This was gonna be a great day!

I decided to stay an extra 90-minutes to make sure the back-up went smoothly. I’m scrupulous about backing up my hard drive.

In fact, I’m so scrupulous about backing up my virtual essentials I decided to purchase another $100 external hard drive in case the first hard drive ever failed simultaneously with the computer.

See, I can be very prudent.

Well, most of the time.

Really, it did feel like I’d already hit a jackpot. It’s a wonderful feeling expecting to spend a big chunk of change and learning the expense is unnecessary.

So I was feeling pretty good around 1 p.m. when I’d stopped in for some Pad Thai at Lulu’s Noodles in Oakland. It’s delicious. I was figuring I’d be home around 2:30 p.m. in time to commandeer the TV to watch golf and March Madness. And I’d have what now seemed like a nifty $1,300 surplus.

And that all would have happened just as planned save for one slight miscalculation of about eight inches over about .05 seconds.

It was that close.

As I said, I’d been in the car a good bit the last three days and was eager to get home. I was driving east on a pothole-strewn stretch of Fifth Avenue near Wilkinsburg.

It was the kind of calculation each of us makes maybe four or five times a day; the green light turned yellow. I had a split second to decide: could I squeak through or should I slam on the brakes?

I accelerated. It was an aggressive move by a fully engaged driver.

Do that 1,000 times here in Latrobe, birthplace of Fred Rogers, and you get through the intersection unscathed by motorists who drive mostly like Fred. Here the only other aggressive driver of any renown is Arnold Palmer and he does most of his aggressive driving with a Callaway Big Bertha Alpha on dogleg par 5s over at Latrobe Country Club.

Big cities have more than their share of aggressive drivers. On Sunday at about 2 p.m., I ran right into one. He began advancing through the green light the instant it turned.

If he hadn’t been so aggressive, I never would have hit him. Of course, if I hadn’t been so aggressive the whole point would have been moot.

So there could be no weaseling out of it. This wreck was my fault.

I told him so as soon as we’d pulled off the road to powwow.

I thought for a moment I’d never seen a vehicle like his. Then I realized I was mistaken.

I’d seen one similar to it in the 1971 Stephen Spielberg movie “Duel,” about a truck from hell being driven by an unseen madman out to terrorize a traveling salesman played by Dennis Weaver. But the truck’s the movie’s real star. It’s filthy, beat to hell and exudes menace.

That’s what the modified Dodge monster truck I hit was like. I swear its finish was like like black stucco, almost like shark skin. I was afraid to lean against it for fear it’d shred my skin. It looked indestructible. 

And it was at least when it was up against a once-sporty 2007 Saturn Vue.

He lost a driver’s side headlight. The fender may have been scratched, too, but it was impossible to tell. He estimated his damage at $75.

My car was another matter. The driver’s side front quarter panel was destroyed, the hood was wrinkled, the rearview mirror was right then in the middle of the intersection getting pulverized. And the front and rear doors were tattooed with garish rubber from his monster truck tires.

Sitting in the driver’s seat, however, it looks like nothing’s really wrong. Another eight inches and all I’d have lost was that rear view mirror.

I estimated the damaged and figured, yep, that looks like it’ll be at least $1,305.

Perfect.

The guy’s truck may have appeared Satanic, but the guy was an angel. He absolutely could not have been more understanding.

You never know how someone will react in a tense situation like this. It’s not uncommon for threats to be issued, for fists to fly or guns even to be pulled. Heck, the first thing many do is summon the police or reach up and start rubbing their neck for phantom chiropractor-enriching injuries.

I thanked him for his reaction.

“Oh, man, I could tell within the first 30 seconds you weren’t going to be an asshole about this so there was no point in making it any worse for you.”

Mom’ll be proud.

He’s a molecular biologist who runs a construction company. It’s as fascinating a story as it sounds, one I’m sure I’ll one day share.

He asked what I did for a living.

I told him I write books.

He asked what kind.

The kind, I said, that aim to help people learn how to keep bad things from ruining good days.

He thought that was hilarious.

My car is perfectly fine to drive, but I don’t know how the other parents will feel when I show up in it to pick up their kids on the nights when it’s my turn to head the car pool.

It’s been about 20 years since I’ve had a claim-worthy accident, so I’ll probably turn it in for cosmetic purposes.

I got home and, as planned, switched on the tube and enjoyed the sports. The girls had been out and returned all abuzz about the accident. I was honest and told them it was all my fault. I think a kid can learn a lot from how a parent deals with unexpected adversity.

And I began to think about those eight inches and that .05 seconds.
With just a bit more deft snap of the steering wheel the whole accident could have been avoided. That would have been great.

Then I thought about this: What if if had been eight inches in the other direction?

The vehicle frame would likely have penetrated the driver’s safety cocoon. The car would have been totaled. I could have broken a leg or an arm and lost my ability to control the car’s direction.

The Saturn could have jumped a curb and struck a bystander waiting for a bus. That bystander would have been tending a baby carriage.

I spent the rest of the night enjoying a nice pasta dish Val’d served up. We sat in front of the fireplace, watched some shows, played some games and I got to read some bedtime stories to our darling 7 year old.

We tucked the kids in, said some humble little prayers and then Val and I had a glass of wine and spent the rest of the night relaxing in the welcome peace.

Good day? Bad day?

Hell, it was one of the very best.



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