I can’t explain why I feel compelled to help total strangers when I’m incapable of even helping myself. I guess I just can’t help myself.
It’s why I’ve spent the last week lavishly signing and at my own expense mailing more than 100 copies of “Use All The Crayons!” to people I’ll never meet.
I know people are anxious, scared and could use a chuckle. So I posted this and the above picture on the popular “Across Westmoreland” Facebook page.
“Know someone who’s struggling through quarantine and could use a little soulful reinforcement? Get in touch and I’ll send them a FREE crayon-signed copy of my most popular book, “Use All The Crayons! The Colorful Guide to Simple Human Happiness.” Why free? Because it’s what I on Page 1 vowed I’d do when the book came out in 2012.”
No fine print. No restrictions. No litmus tests.
I don’t know whether recipients like or dislike Trump, if they’re cheap bastards or if they intend to use the book’s pages for when the TP stash runs out. For all I know, some could be Satan-worshipping anarchists or — worse — New England Patriot fans!
I believe when you set out to do a good deed, you should never self-regulate the impulse.
It’s not the most prudent idea, but I just can’t help myself.
I thought I’d get maybe a dozen requests.
I got 100 in two days and the giveaway has concluded.
The books? I paid for them long ago. I probably have about 400 of them up here in my office.
See there are obvious incentives to ordering large quantities of books because the more copies the print the less per-book it costs. I know writers who order in sets of 100 so they aren’t burdened by surplus.
In my steadfast belief that I’m always on the verge of a surge in interest in my books, I order mine in blocks of 1,000.
Optimism is my default mindset so I just can’t help myself.
But then something like coronavirus hits and I’m for now stuck with enough books to construct a little fort.
So the books are paid for and there are few things more useless than books in boxes. Good things happen when people read this book. So a giveaway makes promotional sense.
But it costs $3.25 to mail one book to California. That to me is a bargain. But it costs the same amount to mail the same book to Derry. That to me is a bit much, so I usually just drive it because all that postage really adds up.
Some might suggest I ask the recipients to pony up say $5 to cover postage in order to trigger the freebie.
Never. I believe doing so would taint the whole endeavor. Maybe my ideas of altruism are too romantic, but I just can’t help myself.
Do I sign each book? Oh, boy, do I. I use no fewer than a dozen different crayons to color five different elements. I could just sign my name and I doubt anyone would feel cheated like I do when I mail books to Derry, but I think the crayon doodles make it special so I just can’t help myself.
I seem to recall using the phrase, “These are tough times,” back when Bob Nutting raised the price of ballpark beers a quarter or two.
Now these, man, these are tough times (although I’m still pissed about the overpriced beers).
You may be like me, incapable of sewing masks or spelling nurses in frontline triage stations.
But there will always be small, simple ways to make things better for millions of people one person at a time. We each do what we can.
And I truly believe in the big picture/long run helping others helps ourselves.
It’s just what I believe in my heart and I just can’t help myself.
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