Saturday, November 30, 2019
November tweets of the Month
• Because I remain an optimist about my longevity, I will henceforth list my age with a prefacing zero: i.e., 056.
• Who won Game 7? Don't tell me! I'm such a baseball fan I always tape the last game and watch 2 pitches a night until spring training. Let's go ‘stros!
• My aim is not to be controversial and please don't read too much into this, but I feel compelled to point out the simple truth: cat naps are for pussies.
Chang and Eng (Siamese twins), originators of the #MeTwo Movement.
• On this day we as a nation should vow to never say Happy Veteran's Day until we're certain we've done everything we can to ensure every veteran is happy.
• How different would rock and comedy histories be if instead of John of The Beatles, Yoko had fallen for Moe of The Stooges.
• I’m curious about the expression "wolf in sheep's clothing." Where do wolves shop for these sheep suits and what do sheep suit sales clerks wear to work? The occupation sounds fraught with potentially dangerous confusions.
• I wonder if parents of children named Hunter are disappointed if Hunter grows up to be vegan, and if vegan parents have ever dared a statement name by calling a child Gatherer.
• I wonder what they told instead of knock-knock jokes before the advent of doors.
• I remain naive in the ways of high finance, but aren't most trust funds really don't-trust funds?
• I for years referred to myself as a struggling writer. I now realize that's wrong. Writing's never been a struggle. What am I? I'm a struggling earner. I'm sure many of you can relate.
• It’s borderline sacrilegious but I request you include in your Thanksgiving blessing a prayer that God mention to Tom Petty that we really miss him.
• Not everyone likes all my books, but I now have a diverse enough shelf that I have at least one book everyone will like.
• Does it dent my argument that I'm an eternal optimist when I say I hope I die before I become a pessimist?