Monday, January 23, 2017

Random post on Steeler loss, women's march & sleeping with Madonna

So many topics to tackle on this day: Do I blog about Steeler loss? Madonna being outrageous? The marches? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Time for the ever-popular random item post:

• I can’t believe I’ll be 54 in less than a month and I still haven’t slept with Madonna. She was very boastful of her promiscuity when we were both younger, and promiscuous was something I aspired to be. I figured it would just be a matter of time before we hooked up. Really, I thought it would happen before I was 40. It could still happen. The week has just begun.

• My friend John’s a football coach. He texted me toward the end of the Steelers 36-17 loss that the result meant I had to admit the brilliance of Patriot coach Bill Belichick. He’s a great coach, sure, but will be forever tainted by episodic cheating. We know anytime the Patriots win, the Patriots cheat. We just don’t yet know how.

• I really hate the Patriots. How much? When I saw “Manchester by the Sea” with Val, she thought the movie was a tragedy because so many bad things were happening to people. I said it was a comedy because all the bad things were happening to Patriot fans.

• Politics aside, the transition is fascinating. I know if I moved into the White House, one of the first things I’d do wouldn’t involve comprehending nuclear codes or state secrets. One of the first things I’d do would be to have someone explain to me how to use the new TV remote. It’s the first thing I do any time I check into a hotel.

• A buddy of mine texted me last night that I should challenge the legitimacy of the Patriots win and organize a march on Washington. I’m thinking about it.

• I was unprepared for the size and planetary participation of the women’s march. It was truly monumental. But Trump’s right. I didn’t see that kind of passion during the election. But he’s a fool if he thinks he can be dismissive of what happened Saturday. 

• Saw “La La Land” with our 16-year-old last week. Loved it. Very entertaining. I’m really liking Emma Stone. She was also great in “The Birdman” and “Zombieland.”

• The funniest show on TV right now is “black-ish” (ABC, Wednesday, 9:30 p.m.) It’s a hilarious take on what black people think about white people and vice versa. The episode that combined elements of MLK Day with white and black reactions to Trump election was truly brilliant.

• I caught some of the Atlanta game with some buddies and while we were admiring their firepower, we struggled to name five people who’d ever played for the Falcons. I came up with Deion Saunders, Bill Fralic, Steve Bartkowski and Michael Vick. Atlanta in general, a city best known for its airport, doesn’t seem to have much personality. It’s the Jan Brady of major American cities.

• Still, I prefer Jan to Tom Brady so there’s no doubt about for whom I’ll be rooting. 

• My conservative friends say me writing about Trump infuriates them; my liberal friends implore me to write about him all the time. Me, I’m going to resist writing about him because I find myself being too careful, too thoughtful. If I say anything inflammatory I want to be sure I’m both factual and concise. That’s a lot to ask from a deadbeat blog I do for free.

• Having said that, I relish reading every other word avid Trump-bashers compose.

• And having said that, I was appalled by jokes about Barron Trump. 

• A lot of people were gleeful to see a protester sucker punch neo-Nazi Richard Spencer. I was not among them. I disdain seeing anything that justifies an escalation of violent incivility. Him getting punched just standing there is not funny. Having a piano accidentally fall on his head would have been.

• SNL, a show which I can go for decades without watching is in a golden era, a rare epoch when cast talent meets newsworthy hilarity. This, to me, is the most appealing and reliably hilarious cast since the heydays of Carvey, Hartman, Myers and crew. Aziz Ansari, with whom I’d not been familiar, was hilarious this week.

• My daughter attended a high school dance Saturday. She had a great time. One complaint: she said the music sucked. “It was nearly all rap,” she said. I had to be careful about how I said what I said next. “Honey,” I said, “this might put you in an awkward position, but I want to propose to the student council that your Daddy be in charge of the music at the next dance.” She reacted with angry scorn, but in her heart she knows I’d be a great DJ for kids of any age.

• For me, the biggest WTF moment of this weekend’s inaugural WTF gala was Trump entering his lame-o concert to the tune of the Rolling Stones, “Heart of Stone.” What’s the message behind that? Certainly not compassionate conservatism. If I was producing the show I’d have suggested the Stones ’94 rarity “Sparks Will Fly.” One way or another, it’s bound to be prescient. 

• I hope the White House TV remote isn’t carelessly connected to the nuclear launch codes.

• My Super Bowl prediction: Atlanta 56, New England 32. Those aren’t scores. Those are my predictions for the high temperatures in each city the day of the game.

• If I ever had the opportunity to sleep with Madonna, I'd follow the advice I give to young men as they leave for college: "Put condoms on everything. Put three condoms on some things."

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