Thursday, April 30, 2015

April tweets of the month!

Every time I think I’m losing my Twitter mojo, I have a month like this that makes me think, well, not bad. April had a lot of strong lines. 

And I’ve introduced a new @8days2Amish feature. It’s the “Near Daily 3.” It’s a way to blast out three, four or five old posts on one topic. Seems to be helping drive both blog and twitter numbers up.

Thanks for checking in!

• Cursory research reveals none of Pavlov's dogs was named Fido, Snickers or Champ, Rex, etc. 

• Live well & even the most humble home is bound to become a memory mansion. 

• No amount of government regulations or assistance will ever help a wheelchair-bound funny man become a true stand-up comic.

• I just once would like to see a cliffhanger show end with a villain named Cliff ascending the steps to the gallows.

• For promotional reasons, I'm again proposing Poland change its name to GOland! 

• Someone ought to name their kid Serious. He'd say wild things and when people asked, "Are you Serious?" he could say, "Yes, how do you do?"

• I wonder if in the Three Stooges scripts when it called for Curly to laugh it actually spelled it out, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.” 

• Some succeed by digging deep into earth for precious metals. Me, I hope to succeed by having dug many tiny holes & sprinkling seeds.

• Took me 50 years to discover my superpower. What is it? When people are talking to me, I LISTEN. Try it sometime.

• I advise people to not fixate on diet. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. 

• I wonder what seems more remote to the Beach Boys: When they were last on the beach or when they last were boys.

• New prisons are the only structures that require occupants break in before they can break out.

• I haven't gazed closely enough, but I wonder if among the heavens there's a star named Ringo.

• I’m eager to one day hear someone with a Cockney accent say the line to donate at the Red Cross was “Bloody long.”

• Global warming means the phrase "tip of the iceberg" will soon lose its punchy validity. Icebergs will soon be just tips.

• News that gray whale migrates record 14,000 miles convinces me some enterprising real estate agent could convince it it’s time to relocate.

• Aaron Hernandez found guilty of murder. He's a throwback Patriot from back before all they deflated were game balls.

• A gym beam requires steady footwork. A Jim Beam isn't nearly as fussy.

• I’m always at a loss for words whenever I take the dog out and he looks up at me like I’m supposed to congratulate him when he craps.

• My daughter, 8, thinks Coachella Music Festival is a music festival run by a coach named Ella.

• I wonder if other owls roll their eyes whenever they hear a "wise" guy owl describe something as a "real hoot.”

• I have to believe Britt McHenry spent part of everyday of her life praying she'd be famous. This week her prayers were answered.

• Quick! Anyone know if there are any symbols for cymbals?

• Most of prez candidates said to be "testing the waters" are too beholden to special interests to actually ever test the waters.

• Tebow back from the NFL dead. Can anyone help me with an apt analogy?

• How much money one earns is among the most inefficient ways to keep score in life. It's a pity it's so damn easy for all the scorekeepers.

• The key to true happiness is to not care what people think. Please RT if you agree. Please! I'll be so sad if you don’t …

• Because it would challenge sedentary thinkers, I think Nome should be spelled Gnome and Alaska should be spelled Galaska.

• Live each day as if it's your last. By that I mean, daily re-write your will to screw relatives who've recently been most mean to you.

• I wish it was a seafaring tradition that anyone who is called "Skipper" actually moved from place to place by skipping.

• This is bound to sound naive, but could global warming be solved by everyone simultaneously leaving fridge doors open for 15 mins a day?

• The advent of ubiquitous smart phones has meant the death of the rhetorical question.

• Something about hearing the words “FLASH FLOOD WARNING” always sends me down to the river pantless in trench coat.

• Spring is when Mother Nature puts on her makeup!

• I’m appalled to see Baltimore cops beating Baltimore protesters/vice versa. Only thing that gets me through is knowing deep down they’re all are Raven fans.

• Powerful thunderstorms through nudist colony could lead to flesh flooding.

• Experts say nude tourists are surprisingly affluent for people for whom description "deep pockets" does not apply.

• I wonder if in the annals of mob history a man named Stone was ever asked to kill two men named Byrd.

• Jesus walked on water. I wonder if when He returns He’ll this time opt for a spiffy new Sea Doo.

• Because I can never remember which is which, I propose we rename Vermont “6” and New Hampshire “9”

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