Wednesday, September 22, 2010
One word answers to many vexing questions
Sometimes the weight of pointlessly blogging to an indeterminate number of universally good-hearted and appealing readers becomes too great a burden to bear.
I know, that’s like complaining of back pains from hoisting too many balloons.
Alas, it is true.
Topical, blog-worthy news stories are simply crashing about us every moment of the 24-hour news cycle.
Should I write about politics? Pop culture? Religion? International intrigue?
Geez, that seems like a lot of work. Still, these issues must be addressed and in a timely manner.
So today I’m going to give my most thoughtful opinion on each of the main issues facing the country in a colossal opinion-fest not for the faint of heart.
And because that seems such a daunting feat of scattergun pop punditry, there’s only one way tackle it: with one word answers.
What’s to be thought of a blogger who attempts something so bold?
Don’t ask/Don’t tell?
My attempts to appear politically even-handed?
Aging rocker Steven Tyler hosting American Idol?
Best one-word title movie you’ve seen since “Jaws?”
Super Bowl winner?
Stanley Cup winner?
My hometown Pittsburgh sports devotions?
How am I feeling today?
Does God exist?
Does He care?
Favorite Three Dog Night song?
How do you say “one” in Spanish?
What should we do about global warming?
What will you rely on to get through these tough times?
What is all you need?
Once more, with feeling?
What band inspired those last three questions?
What percentage of your readers understands that series of questions is drawn from the song, “All You Need is Love” and that your answers should be joyfully sung?
Stones or Beatles?
Mick or Keith?
Ginger or Maryann?
What are you planning on doing after finishing this little exercise?
How many of your readers do you think have stuck around this far?
Is this even working?
What are you listening to while you’re typing this?
Care to be more specific?
What’s your favorite song from that album?
Chances we’ll see Mideast peace in your life time?
What would you do if Iran develops a nuclear reactor?
Will it come to that?
What should white people do about news that, unless trends reverse, they’re likely to be minorities in one generation?
What if that fails to prevent eventual minority status?
Should they build that pseudo-mosque two blocks from Ground Zero?
Even if makes Tea Party leaders come unhinged?
How can you support such an inflammatory position?
Do you care that Lindsay Lohan seems bent on self-annihilation?
If you were her judge, what sentence would you impose?
What’s your opinion on legalizing marijuana?
What do you advise for people for whom partisan politics is an all-consuming pursuit?
What do you call GOP men like Ken Mehlmen? He was the Bush 2004 campaign manager who used gay-bashing as a wedge issue, then in August announced -- ta! da! -- he is gay.
What are you looking forward to most as the weather turns colder?
Does your new “stats” feature continue to show that, second to the USA, the majority of your readers come from Denmark?
How do you feel about that?
You’ve now answered more than 50 questions about various issues, from the serious to the silly. Could you go on?
Will you go on?
What are your thoughts about this format? How would you characterize it -- and please be concise?