Fall book signings in libraries, stores & bars

(730 words)

I had a friend ask me if I’d be going on a book tour to promote the October release of, “Growing Up in the Real Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.”

I told him my book tour never ends. It’s me going from my office on the third floor at the Tin Lizzy down to the first floor to sell six, pop into Flappers to sell three, and then returning to the third floor again and again.

The tavern, so full of character (and characters), is like an interesting and reliable drinking buddy in my blog and books. And lots and lots of readers are eager to experience it.

I never meant for it to happen, but the result has enriched me both financially and personally.

In just the past month, readers from Pittsburgh, Harrisburg, York, Virginia, Tennessee and Florida have all popped in or called in advance to arrange a howdy. The mostly have area ties, but some go out their way to visit.

All are welcome under any circumstances, but I’m especially fond of the shy pop-ins. I hear the steps creaking as they make their tentative approach.

“Oh,” they’ll say, “we hope we’re not disturbing you.”

The exact wording allows me to break the ice with a self-deprecating joke:

“You’re too late,” I say, “I’ve been disturbed since 1992.”

That’s when someone suggested I’d make a fortune freelance writing.

I am very lucky.

Interest seems high. And the folks who’ve read the book have been complimentary. 

I am busy booking speaking engagements and am grateful to all the groups who are having me back so soon after the Palmer book talk. I know there are bound to be some rotarians who’ll be rolling their eyes when they see it’s me again with many of the same old jokes, the same old stories.

To them, I say …

“Just be glad you’re not my wife!”

From my pitch sheet:

“Part history, part biography, ‘Growing UP …’ is a freewheeling conversation about what makes this one small town so special. One big reason is Fred Rogers, a man visionary educators are beginning to equate with spiritual leaders like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. It tells the stories of couples he married, souls he saved and if calling him ‘Christ-like’ is blasphemous or accurate. It has previously untold stories of Rogers being a life-saving superhero and of him being perfectly human. It’s about how Latrobe influenced young Fred; how adult Fred influenced it; and how both influenced the author and the world. In a world that cries out for civility and healing, it’s the only book about Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood by an author who actually lives there.”

If you’re not tired of me and would like me to share my stories with your group — any group — please get in touch. I’ll travel pretty much all over western Pennsylvania.

Or you’re all welcome to come here to the Tin Lizzy. 

Successful authors enjoy book tours.

I’m satisfied being one of those authors where the book tours come to him.

Booked:

October 9, Life Options Pittsburgh (“Crayons!”)

Oct. 10, Riverstone Bookstore, McCandless Crossings, Pittsburgh (North Hills), 7 pm

Oct. 11-13, Ft. Ligonier Days, Second Chapter Books, Ligonier

Oct. 26, Jeannette Public Library, 1 pm

Oct. 27, Ligonier Library, 2 pm

November 2, Greensburg-Hempfield Area Library, 2 pm

Nov. 4, Mt. Pleasant Public Library, 6 pm

Nov. 9, Vandergrift Public Library, noon

Nov. 12, Ohio Co. Public Library, Lunch w/ Authors, Wheeling, WV., noon

Nov. 14, Westmoreland Chamber of Commerce, noon, TBD

     

      Adams Memorial Library, Latrobe, 6 pm

Nov. 18, Murrysville Community Library, 6:30 pm

Nov. 19, New Florence Public Library, 7 pm

Nov. 22, (tentative) Barnes & Noble, Greensburg (movie debut party)

Nov. 23, Barnes & Noble, Altoona, 1 pm

Nov. 29, Tin Lizzy/Flappers Black Friday bar celebration, 7 pm

December 1, Barnes & Noble, Greensburg, 2 pm

Dec. 12, Upper St. Clair Library, 7 pm

Jan. 29, Bethel Park Library, 7 pm

How TV disappoints in ways books never do

(696 words)

You know we’ve crossed another unwelcome technological threshold when turning on your typical television is more complicated than turning on your typical man.

Both are simple devices.You should be able to turn one on by pushing a single button, the other with a flirtatious wink, a playful touch or by maybe offering it a warm donut. 

The only time a TV should be difficult to turn on is when the remote is tucked beneath a cushion.

I’ve done it successfully maybe a million times. Understand, I don’t feel a wave of relief when I’ve turned it on and found my channel. I don’t do a celebratory dance or spike the remote. I just sit back in my recliner and commence to do my patriotic duty as an American and begin watching my 14-hours of daily television.

But now turning on the TV is beginning to make me feel anxious, like when someone asks me to do math without a calculator. 

Val, like all of you, is on a restless quest to reduce the cost of our most annoying monthly gouge, that being the TV/internet bill.  So she did all the research, shopped, haggled and secured the necessary hardware. We’d enjoy more options and pay less; a true win-win.

That was the easy part. The hard part was teaching it all to someone who rages against complicating additions to our already cluttered lives.

“This remote turns on the TV,” she began. “This one turns on the Roku. Once this screen pops up, you can toggle over to the home screen where you can choose from …”

At the mention of the word toggle, the room began to spin. I wasn’t an undercover operative programming an IED to obliterate an enemy combatant. I just an easily amused guy who still enjoys watching the same “Seinfeld” reruns he’s already seen about 192 times. 

I looked over on the end table and made eye contact with the book I’m reading. It’s the 1,152-page “Churchill: Walking With Destiny,” by Andrew Roberts. I telepathically tell it, “I’m sorry!”

“I apologize for again straying. You’re so beautiful, so uncomplicated. You don’t cause stress. You relieve it. Yet, I continue to turn to that trashy whore who costs me a fortune. Can you forgive me?”

I expect it to answer in Churchill’s voice, but my mind is so saturated with TV dominance the voice I hear is Gilbert Gottfried’s from when he was doing the Aflac duck commercials: “You’re fine! Books harbor no petty jealousies. Life moves too fast … so do the benefits of Aflac!”

They say we’re supposed to be in a golden age of TV viewing, but every time I watch something hailed as “great” I think, well, that was fun, but in six months I won’t remember who was in it or what they did.

Some of the recent shows we’ve truly enjoyed include, “Ozark,” “Friends From College,” “Master of None,” and “Making A Murderer.”

And for every one of those, there’ve been four or five I found unwatchable.

I haven’t seen anything that feels like it’s enriched my life in a way that’ll make me ever want to watch it all over again in two, five or certainly not 10 years. It all feels like a big time kill, like I went to the right hotel the wrong weekend for my high school reunion. Everyone was very nice, polite and pretty, but we had no shared past and no future.

Golden Age? Feels more like being mired in mediocrity.

As our options become more plentiful and our screens ever grander, the once communal act of watching great TV has become somehow smaller. 

It’s why I think I felt such a primal urge to read when my poor wife was trying to explain how to navigate ever deeper into the swampy maze that is our TV viewing options.

I never feel diminished by time spent immersed in a book. Just the opposite. I often feel enhanced.

It’s a feeling I intend to cultivate. Because as TV becomes glitzier and more bewildering, books remain defiantly books.

And you never need worry about turning on a book.

The book turns you on.

Related …

I buy books

Growing nostalgic for when TV was stupid

Another reason to read real books: real bookmarks

The TV has become the penis

The joyful need to read

Outdoor TVs: Where the wildthings aren’t

Here's how I ask you to give me money

(689 words)

I’ve always understood one of the most confounding aspects about my existence was how I could have such a massive ego with so little foundational accomplishment.

Why be egotistical when you have zero professional acclaim, skimpy prospects and often less-than-break-even income?

Well, thanks to so many of you, 2018 has been the year when the foundation was poured and warm breezes blown across the forming concrete.

I’m not quite out of the woods, but I can hear the traffic.

I was thinking of this last week after reading and then re-reading again and again a Christmas card from a self-described “fan” in West Virginia.

“This year I have rejoiced in your humor! Thank you for existing!”

Think about that. Thank you for existing.

I matter simply by being a carbon-based life form, albeit one who still finds irresistible the occasional fart joke.

That means merely by falling out of bed each morning I have accomplished something worthwhile. It means I could spend the entire day doing nothing but watching old “I Dream of Jeannie” reruns and the whole celebration of sloth would still be a plus.

Still, just to be safe, I haven’t done that whole “I Dream of Jeannie” thing since the day after Quinn left so it’s been a productivity streak of about 12 straight days.

Please don’t worry about it going to my head, though.

It wouldn’t fit.

True story: I was buying a local newspaper — yes, I’m that kind of old school, the kind that pays actual cash for organic news — when the cashier concluded our transaction with, “Thanks! You guys have a great day!”

I turned around. The store was empty. I was all alone.

I had no idea my multiple personalities were visible to strangers. 

Cool!

But the tangible successes of this year, relatively minor as they may be, have been soulfully refreshing.

People love the Palmer book, but that one to me still feels like a gimme. Any “storyteller” with the kind of access I had to Palmer could write a decent book about Palmer, just maybe not one HOF broadcaster Jim Nantz would say is “the best book anyone’s ever written about Arnold Palmer.”

But I digress.

I’m hoping the six months of happy hoohah culminates tomorrow at my Tin Lizzy book signing, 5 to 9 p.m. in Flappers, but kicking off at 4 with Jessie in the Main Bar. I’ll be signing three of the seven books I’ve authored — the three that don’t really, really suck — for just $15 each.

Also for sale will be the deluxe edition of “Use All The Crayons!” It’s the book for anyone who enjoys this blog and the observations I post on Facebook and Twitter. The other book, my pride and joy, is “The Last Baby Boomer,” the satirical novel I stubbornly believe is the one that will allow me to once and for all consider myself a real writer — a successful one to boot. 

This is from one of 17 5-star amazon reviews: “I literally laughed out loud and discovered tears welling up in my eyes at various points in the first 50 pages. It's really an incredible work of artistic humor writing. Can't recommend it enough.”

I’m proud I’ve authored three distinctive books in three distinctive genres and that each one has earned the kind of praise writers dream about when we stare at a blank screen.

Maybe ’19 will be the year one of the three busts through to commercial success.

A friend of mine said the trio of books make the perfect stocking stuffers. 

My friend is incorrect. Know what makes the perfect stocking stuffers?

Feet!

So please stop by The Tin Lizzy tomorrow and show your support. I’ll be grateful if you buy books or make a stipend Christmas cash donation if you enjoy reading the blog.

Can’t make it? I welcome checks or PayPal from friends all around the world. Message me (storyteller@chrisrodell.com) for contact details.

Either way, please keep checking in and referring me, my blog or my books to cohorts whenever you find us worthy. 

And, hey, I mean this … 

Thank you for existing.

Related …

Praise, fame & TINARA award all going to my head

Blog pledge week ’17

Happy Birthday to Bob Dylan & this blog!

Pull tab donations & “The Last Baby Boomer”

The why, how & what of new “Crayons!” deluxe

At Fort Days selling "Last Baby Boomer" errata

(659 words)

Wise friends said they were dumbfounded when I deliberately chose to have “The Last Baby Boomer” released in January instead of December. They thought I was foolish to release a book after Christmas.

They didn’t understand.

In fact, I did release it in plenty of time for Christmas.

Christmas 2016!

And now it’s really ready for sales and promotion. Now, it’s been in the hands of hundreds of readers who’ve affirmed its — and I say this with all due humility — “greatness” and are enthused about telling others.

This from one 5-star Amazon review: “I literally laughed out loud and discovered tears welling up in my eyes at various points. It's really an incredible work of artistic humor writing. Can't recommend it enough.”

See, the first edition is admittedly flawed and chock full of sloppy errors. For that I apologize while begging your understanding.

I could have ordered a editing service for $1,500, an amount which would have caused my wife’s heart to explode.

I couldn’t do it. Getting this book published (in fact, it’s still just self-published, for what little that’s worth) has been the primary saga of my defining failures. Investing even a penny, let alone a few thousands dollars, into getting it printed and formatted for e-books was a harrowing expense.

But I believed in the book. I believed in myself.

Still do.

What did I do? I opted to be unconventional, brash even.

I included a page one author’s note acknowledging the book’s imperfections, and asking readers who cared to e-mail me any errors that bothered them.

Well it was, ahem, genius.

Readers were generous in their response. Most would just kindly point out when I’d transposed words or typed “his his” on page 229.

The funniest typo, the one everyone caught, was when I typed “Mr. and Mrs. Rodell” where I meant to type “Mr. and Mrs. McCrae,” leading many to ask if the satire is autobiographical.

It is not. Sort of. I consider the main character, Martin J. McCrae, to be an exaggeration of my exaggerations.

By embracing this reader/editing method — let’s call it Wiki-Eeks! — I was able to save $1,200.

I submitted more than 100 corrections to the publisher last month and last week received a “Last Baby Boomer” copy that is as close to immaculate as any self-published book could hope to be.

Now, if you order through Amazon, either e-book or soft cover, you’ll get a clean version, one with a snazzy author picture on the back, too.

Please let me know if you already paid for an error-laden copy and want me to replace it free of charge. I’m happy to do that.

What’ll I do with the remaining 100 copies? I’m discounting them to $10 each to anyone who wants to become a book ambassador, meaning anyone who wants to order two or more copies to give as gifts.

All are signed and noted as “Errata Editions,” errata being the Latin word for books that have the errors noted and corrected, which I do with a pencil for most of the truly glaring typos.

So, arrivederci, Mr. and Mrs. Rodell!

Here’s what one recent reader said of her errata — not to be confused with “erotica” — edition:

“Your book the perfect mix of intrigue and humor. I have Ellen's book as well as Amy Poehler's but they are only for when I am in a certain mood to read. However, your book is perfect all the time because you can read it and get a slice of humor, mystery, adventure, and drama all at the same time. It is a several-genre book and I am loving it!”

After so much doubt and failure, you can only imagine what reading words like that mean to me.

I’ll be signing today from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. at Second Chapter Books on Main Street for Fort Ligonier Days.

Just in time for Christmas!

Related …

My book’s typo total is …

Pull tab donations and “Last Baby Boomer”

Someone stole Buck’s book at Tin Lizzy!

My book club night with “Last Baby Boomer”

Latrobe Bulletin features me & “Last Baby Boomer”

How to review “Last Baby Boomer” and 11 who’ve praised it

Come see me read “Last Baby Boomer” at City Books

This book is NOT free; my novel for sale

How to review "Last Baby Boomer" on amazon (& 14 by those who've praised it)

(606 words)

First of all, you need to buy and read the book.

That’s an obvious prerequisite.

Or is it?

I could give or barter you a copy. Amazon distinguishes those who’ve bought it from them with a “Verified Purchase” notation.

It offers no further designations. It doesn’t say, for instance, “Chris traded a copy of his book for two free puzzles.” Which, in fact, I did. I’m old buddies with beloved Pittsburgh illustrator Jim Mellett of White Mountain Puzzles.

He was kind enough to inquire about obtaining the book and we wound up agreeing on a friendly exchange. 

And, man, I shrewdly got the better end of that deal. The whole family is enjoying assembling a Mellett Broadway tribute puzzle on the dining room table — and it’s ours forever. The IRS can’t touch it.

I’m gleeful anytime I can swap a book for something that’s completely off the books.

I intend to write about the joy of puzzles tomorrow. 

Or you could shoplift. Amazon won’t know.

I once had a bold woman, a fellow author, shoplift a copy from me when we were both doing a book signing at an Akron Barnes & Noble. She was taken with my “Use All The Crayons!” and proposed a trade, my self-improvement book for hers.

Hers didn’t appeal to me, but the situation spared me from the need to be rude.

“Afraid we can’t do that,” I said. “These aren’t our copies. These are store stock.”

Yet, she was undeterred. As she prepared to leave she stopped by my table for parting salutations. We shared friendly sentiments and then, just like that, she picked up a copy of my book and scooted out the door.

I so admired her audacity, I didn’t think to yank the fire alarm or heave a day-old biscotti at her head.

In the end, I did nothing.

The crayons book, in fact, has many elements about righteous living so maybe she changed her larcenous ways. But who knows? Maybe she ignored those parts and embraced only the items that talk about how much fun it is to get drunk with friends.

We’ll never know.

Any fair review does requires you at least read the book.

I’m joking!

I’m one of those authors with zero interest in “fair” reviews, preferring just favorable reviews.

So if you’re adept at immoral misbehavior, you’re among my ideal readers. It’d help if you’re good at computer hacking.

I’d love someone to sign onto amazon and say they’re Oprah Winfrey and they “Love! Love! Love! ‘The Last Baby Boomer!’”

I’d have to think that’d spike sales.

My book’s earned 10 actual reviews in the past month. I think that’s pretty good for a self-published book that started off with no word of mouth and even less marketing.

They say reviews help sales.

Whether or not they do, I know for sure they at least help me.

I cherish each one. It helps that they all gush (10 of the 14 are five stars; the remainder 4).

I ask everyone who reads it to please post a review. And you can be honest.

It can be as simple as: “I liked this book!”

Or you can elaborate in quirky ways: “I liked this book. It smells nice!”

I think some people feel pressure to be clever and that they’ll be judged badly if they write something stupid.

I know the feeling. Why do you think it took me 15 years to publish the stupid thing?

I guess what I’m trying to say is if you like the book, shout it to the whole world.

And if you don’t, please just keep it to yourself.

Here are the blurb summaries of “Last Baby Boomer” amazon reviews . . .

• Hilarious satire, absurd humor that pokes fun at everything. Clever plot, and Rodell keeps it going at a very fast pace with one hilarious observation after another. The book had me laughing out loud the whole way through, yet there were a number of very profound messages. McCrae is so likable and we can all find ourselves identifying in at least one minute of his very long life. I saw myself in the book many times, either as the wise and wiseass McCrae, or as one of the targets of his and Rodell's wickedly funny humor. I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves satire. (Hollywood please note: It would make a great movie starring Bill Murray as McCrae.) 5-stars

• Rodell is a Vonnegut for 2016. I really can't say enough good things about this book. Rodell is capable of switching from ribald joke telling to pithy pathos often from paragraph to paragraph. I literally laughed out loud and discovered tears welling up in my eyes at various points. It's really an incredible work of artistic humor writing. Can't recommend it enough. 5-stars

• I was laughing so hard throughout this book and it has the perfect mixture of funny and serious to give a great story that has lots of humor added to it. Rodell's writing is so perfectly written because it mixes humor with a real story. I read the book in just a few days because I could not keep my hands off of it. I loved the book so much that everyone around me started buying it as well and I cannot wait to see what comes next from him. 5-stars

• If you’re familiar with Chris’s last book, or his blog, you’ll see his trademark humor throughout this book. In fact, Marty McCrae is the (really old) embodiment of the living-a-colorful-life/using-all-the-crayons principle. He’s lived a long, colorful life, seen the world change, and he has quite a bit to say about it. Lest I give you the idea this is a serious, philosophical book, I should mention that in this future world, women are stricken by the “Boobonic Plague” which gives women with enhanced breasts enhanced intelligence.  The bottom-line is that Chris is running with his idea a colorful life being the key to happiness, and he’s morphed that into this new satirical novel. This new book is humorous, but also insightful. 5-stars

• Fantastic premise! A satiric, Kurt Vonnegut-ish kind of novel had me laughing out loud. Rodell has a gift for the absurd as well as great turns of phrases. He also shows, through humor, some raw truths about us boomers 5-stars

• Baby Boomer is pure Rodell, but I found myself thinking of Dave Barry and Carl Hiaasen, the only two guys who look like they're having as much fun writing as Rodell. 4-stars

• The Last Baby Boomer is an uproarious meditation on life—and like life itself, there are bittersweet moments softened only by our ability to laugh at some random absurdity. And there is a central tragedy that is slowly revealed, which, like so much in life, leaves only questions. The Last Baby Boomer is a droll sketch of our media- and youth-obsessed culture, one that’ll have you laughing out loud between chuckles (and maybe the occasional pun-induced groan—though like Rodell I’ve never met a pun I wouldn’t take home to meet my folks). It wouldn’t surprise me if something like Marty’s ghoul pool does happen in a couple of decades—I just hope they give Rodell credit (and a big check). 5-stars

• The Last Baby Boomer is a humorous, yet insightful, look into the foibles of the baby boomer generation. Through all of Marty's travails a hopefulness and humanity emerges that will be familiar to anyone who has read Rodell. I would definitely recommend this book. 5-stars

• I really enjoyed the book. I liked the protagonist, Marty and the way he looked at life. The premise was very believable, based on current trends in the U.S.. There were some parts dragged a little, and the ending was slightly contrived, but neither point takes away from the overall enjoyment of the book. I would recommend this book to everyone. A fun ride. 4-stars

• Even if you didn’t know Chris Rodell once wrote for the National Enquirer, the premise of “The Last Baby Boomer: The Story of the Ultimate Ghoul Pool” might give you a clue. From the Boobonic Plague, described early on, to the pop-tab pill at the end, the book wittily describes the circus that surrounds 118-year-old Marty McCrae, the last surviving Baby Boomer. Suspend reality and enjoy laugh-out-loud moments with this book. 5-stars

• A word about typos. An eagle-eyed English teacher recently read Chris's book and counted 26. That's right, 26 from among 65,981 words. If Chris Rodell was a baseball player he'd be batting .9996, My kind of humor. There is no more Kurt Vonnegut or Joe Heller for me to read …But there is Rodell. Buy the book. Read. See for yourself. 5-stars

• I picked up this book because I enjoyed his blog "8 days to Amish" so much. And this definitely fell in line the same kind of humor and wit as he has always brought forth in the past. A really fun and intriguing read. 5-stars

• Bad news first: typos threw me a little. Good news: We read this book for our book club and it was well-received. The premise is funny and very believable. It's a quick read with surprising twists. Because it is light and easy to read, it makes a great vacation book or a good way to spend a rainy day. There's also depth in the story that makes it a rich experience. 4-stars

• We had the pleasure of discussing the book with the author at our book club! Wonderful experience. Great summer read for the beach! 5-stars

Related . . .

Someone stole my book! A “Use All The Crayons!” update

Typo total in my book is . . .

Someone stole Buck’s book from Tin Lizzy!

This book is NOT free! My new novel is for sale

Check out www.ChrisRodell.com!