First of all, I’m not a paid spokesperson for the Tin Lizzy so you can take my word that what I’m about to tell you is genuine. Having said that, I confess to every time I get my PA driver’s license renewed I for reasons I can not explain add another fraudulent inch to my height.
My license says I’m 5’11. I’m actually 5’7.
My goal is to live long enough to possess a license that says I’m 6’2.
It’s a peculiar format for a goal-driven fib.
It’s not like I believe I’ll one day get pulled over and the trooper will say, “Mr. Rodell, I pulled you over because I saw you swerving and I suspect you are either impaired or were playing Wordler on your phone.
“But your license says you’r over 6 feet tall so I have to let you go. I bid you ADIEU which if you are Wordlering today reveals two green and one yellow panel.”
I’ve had an office — the only office — in The Tin since July 15, 2015, the day after I was evicted from The Pond, which to me still feels as misguided as if someone had moved to evict Elvis from Graceland.
The Pond was the perfect bar for tipsy BSers like me. Just a great group of regulars. Every day the same dozen or so Regular Joes would gather for a daily guzzle. And — get this — seven of the Regular Joes were conveniently named Joe!
I remember the day my exasperated wife asked what the hell we talked about on those endless days of perfectly pointless bullshit.
“We talk about sports, we talk about politics and we talk about how different our lives would be if we went to a bar where women went.”
But I wasn’t a free agent for long. Not 1, 2, or 3, but 4 Latrobe bar owners called and offered me working space. It was like an Amber Alert went out for drunken local writers.
My friend Micah came through with the most appealing offer.
He had room for me in The Tin Lizzy.
Who could say no? I’ve written about it, owner Buck, and all my friends here many times. So I don’t speak for any of the vested parties here. I’m just one of the guys who happens to spend a lot of time here.
These are some of the questions I hear …
TL FAQs
Q: Is The Tin Lizzy open?
A; Yes, very much so. So open that there is one point in each day, that one of the three bars is practically vibrant. The trick, for now, is sensing which one is really hopping at the right time. But it only takes one person and one bartender to make it happen. Note: Hours and days for each bar differ, but you can get a drink in the Main Bar Monday thru Saturday from 7 a.m. thru (hours vary).
Q: What’s the deal with carding even the gray beards every time you come in?
A: That’s a question for the LCB. I will say this, if some pain-in-the-butt LCB regulation is enough to keep you from supporting this landmark business, one that’s for long stretches of the past 250 years meant a lot to our mothers/fathers/aunts/uncles and assorted oddball relations, then shame on you.
Q: How’s the food?
A: In the past 6 months I’ve had some of the best meals I’ve ever had in the building. And it was The Tin Lizzy where chefs Dato and Jaffre got their start. The menu is being tinkered with, but nothing that’s come out of Chef Cornell Taubert’s kitchen has ever disappointed me.
Q: Is the owner ever cranky?
A: The only diplomatic way to answer that question is with another question: “How cranky could he be and yet still be the recipient of the prestigious‘Employee of the Month’ award for more than 40 years straight?”
Q: Is TheTin Lizzy haunted?
A: I used to say I don’t believe in ghosts, but I never stay in The Tin Lizzy after dark when I’m all alone. Now I say, “Yes, it is! By the ghost of Arnold Palmer!” Then I just start making shit up.”
Q: Do you give tours?
A: One of my favorite things is when someone who’s read and enjoyed one of my books tries to sneak up the stairs and timidly taps on the door to say, “We don’t want to disturb you …” like I’m performing brain surgery on an undecided voter. I say, “Hell, I’ve been disturbed since 1992. C’mon in!” I consider it a privilege to give tours (’92 was the year I quit my last job).
Q: Do you have a favorite bar/bartender?
A: Yes, I do. He was Zack. He was 33 when he died in 2020. I miss him very much. I can say he was my favorite because, well, he was, and because when you die as young and as pretty as Zack sadly did you attain a sort of sainthood no mortal bartender can begrudge. And I can’t pick one former bartender because she threatened to stab me. True, she was having a bad day and dealing with the sassy provocation of her finding my car parked in her parking spot (this was back when I could afford a car). But it’d be unwise for me to encourage that sort of conflict resolution. So who’s my favorite? The one standing in front of me. Which is my favorite bar? The one I’m sitting in.
So, yes, The Tin Lizzy is open. Yes, you can get a great meal there and, yes, you’ll be welcomed by a lot of smiling faces. Just be careful you don’t park in my parking spot.
You wouldn’t want to anger a motorist whose driver’s license says he’s almost six feet tall.
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