Showing posts with label small town funerals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label small town funerals. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

A day for mourning: RIP Dow Carnahan


Days like today make it impossible to maintain our pledge to always stand for silly over somber.

What choice do we have?

Our friend Dow Carnahan, 56, has died.

An announcer for 30 years with WCNS, the hometown AM radio station, all the obituaries are calling him “The Voice of Latrobe,” which he was. He broadcast the Latrobe Wildcats high school football and basketball games and did the same duties for St. Vincent College. He also announced racetrack competition at the area speedways.

He did the news, too, and in 2013 and 2014 won the peer-awarded “Outstanding Local Radio Newscast” by the Pennsylvania Association of Broadcasters.

What I most respected about him was how little this kind, gentle man felt the need to speak.

Dow was a great talker.

He was an even better listener.

The distinction is key because we live in an age when people are celebrated for relentless volubility. It’s true in our politics, our celebrity and even in our small town bar rooms.

Loud, opinionated people — even the obviously ill-informed — dominate the room.

Dow, a big lanky dude, could have been that guy. He could have been a huge blowhard. Nobody would have minded at all. But that was never his way.

That was a big part of his appeal.

Back when The Pond was still The Pond and Dave Carfang was behind the bar and it was three-deep with happy guzzlers on Friday nights, Dow would often quietly saunter in after broadcasting a game down at Memorial Stadium.

You felt privileged if he came up and stood beside you for a drink. He’d share insider stuff on all the Pittsburgh teams and the big shot broadcasters who’d befriended him.

Everyone who knew Dow liked Dow.

You can say that about a lot of people, but mostly for logistical reasons. Most people don’t know many other people.

Dow knew everyone in Latrobe and everyone in Latrobe liked Dow.

Again, this is a rare feat in a small town where youth sports are so dominant. This is the kind of town where sports editors for the local paper have been punched in the nose for not being sufficiently boosterish.

Dow covered controversies, but he was never controversial. Not once.

A friend of mine messaged me Saturday morning that Dow died in a movie theater Friday evening. Me and the rest of the local irreverents have been eager ever since to know which movie killed him off.

He was alone (his long-time girlfriend had died in August) and when the movie ended, staffers thought he’d fallen asleep and tried to rouse him.

They failed.

To me, it’s a Hall of Fame death and an aspirational way to go.

I’m proud to say I’d been a guest on his popular Saturday morning talk show. You can check out the 30-minute interview at the WCNS Dow Carnahan link on my crayons page.

He said he’d taken “Use All The Crayons!” on a Mexican vacation so magnificently relaxing he spilled a pink drink on the pages. He showed it to me.

The tipsy desecration made me happy.

He said he loved the book and was going to apply the tips, one of which makes me feel slightly uneasy in the wake of his situational death:

“153:   See a movie solo. It feels very liberating.”

It’s odd how some population decreases have a way of making some small towns feel bigger, less personal.

With Dow’s death, our communal identity is diminished. We’re no longer who we were.

His quiet passing, so much like his life, seems imbued with unspoken grace and dignity.

Just like Dow.

I’m already missing him so much.

So today, please, share a moment of silence for the passing of a beloved man gone too soon. 

We’ll all miss that rare gentleman who could be as eloquent in all he said as as in all he left unsaid.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Small town funeral etiquette


In hindsight it seems ghoulish to follow up a re-run post about death with a fresh post about death. I don’t care.

Death is topically evergreen, I’m doing it with a cheerful heart and my intentions are pure, so writing again about death, well, it won’t kill me.

I live in one of those small towns where the daily obituaries are crowded with friendlies, church acquaintances and kin of people who fix our cars, our furnaces, etc.

Live here long enough and attending funerals becomes as ritualistic for some people as Bingo Night down at the VFW.

There was a big funeral here last night and the whole town turned out. The woman and her family are beloved and at 62 she died way too soon. Karen will be missed.

I was talking with some friends about it earlier in the day. One man said he wasn’t going to attend.

“It’s going to be too crowded. I’ll just send the family a ham on Monday.”

I said I admired him for his indifference to both grieving convention and doctor-recommended dietary considerations regarding the leading causes of high blood pressure.

Another friend said it drove him crazy when many people sought to console him about the death of his parents by telling him they were in a better place.

“How the hell would they know?”

He’s right. Murrysville may have better schools but if the NFL lockout is resolved Steeler training camp will again be here at St. Vincent College through August and that’s always a fun time to be in Latrobe.

So thoughts of proper etiquette were on my mind as we waited in the long line to pay our respects.

Lucy’s just 5 and I was worried the experience might unsettle this impetuous kid. I figured I’d better lay down some funeral ground rules.

First: don’t try and stick anything up Mrs. D’s nose. She’s unlikely to react the way I do when you try shoving crayons up mine when I’m sleeping, but that doesn’t mean it’s right.

Do not sneak behind the coffin and start shouting in your little cartoon voice, “Help! I’m not dead yet! Get me a doctor! Help!” Sure, it’d be funny, but it would likely offend stuffy traditionalists.

I told her not to remove from the coffin anything shiny she thought was pretty, to pinch the body or yell, “Boo!” an inch from the deceased’s ear.

The family was delighted to see me. I could tell because they immediately began to insult my hair, my sobriety and the way I was dressed. One sarcastically said it was “real classy” of me to wear a bowling shirt to his mother’s funeral.

(It wasn’t a bowling shirt. It was “recreational sportswear.” Val talked me out of wearing an actual bowling shirt because she said it wouldn’t look real classy.)

The ridicule was so intense I briefly considered faking a massive heart attack just so they’d be forced to say nice things about me in the hopes I might revive and not upstage their mom’s funeral.

I did nothing of the sort. It would have been very poor funeral etiquette.

And I knew Lucy might reach for the crayons in Val’s purse and jam one up my nostril. My antics would exposed as fraud.

EMTs should keep a box of Crayolas in their lifesaving kits. I swear they work better than -- “Clear!” -- those high-voltage defibrillators.

I’m glad I live among a people resilient enough to prevent even the saddest of occasions from taking the fun out f-u-n-erals.

I guess I should have encouraged Lucy do her macabre ventriloquist act behind the coffin.

Everyone would have had a good laugh.

I know Karen would have.