Who I'm liking in baseball playoffs (hint: it isn't the Chicago Cubs)

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I wrote just last week how the death of a dear friend had given me crucial life perspective, that in the great scheme of things the Pirates losing a one-game wildcard playoff didn’t really matter.

I lied.

I am bereft! Devastated! Bereaved! Disconsolate! Mournful!

Forlorn?

Hell, it’s been more than a week and I still feeling closer to eightlorn.

I really thought this was the year the Bucs would make a nice long run. More than a few top experts picked them to win it all.

Alas, it was not to be.

So once again I’m left to contrive some stupid artificial reason to cheer for a bunch of overpaid strangers I’m pretty sure I’d mostly dislike if I ever met them in their street clothes.

This is a very poignant time of year for ardent baseball fans like me. Best case scenario: there are only 21 games left 

So when people ask me what I’m hoping will happen, I always say, “Game 7s, rain delays and extra inning games that don’t end until spring training.”

Spring training, by the way, begins in 126 days.

We’re left with the Toronto Blue Jays vs. the Kansas City Royals in the American League; and in the National, the New York Mets vs. the Chicago Cubs.

Let’s break it on down:

Kansas City Royals — I’ve never been to Kanas City, don’t know anyone from Kansas City and think if Kansas was good enough for Dorothy and Toto, it’s good enough for me. Still, I’m suspicious of Kansas City because Kansas City tries to hide half its population in Missouri. That’s very deceptive. What does Kansas City, Kansas, have against Kansas City, Missouri? I’d like to see Royal players who live in one state square off against the Royals who reside in the other. But my ignorance of the city and its people works to their benefit. I can’t hate what I don’t know.

Toronto Blue Jays — Many Pittsburghers are rooting for the Jays. Our former catcher, Russell Martin, departed the Bucs last year because he wanted to play for his native country. We admire that. And until Trump tells us it’s time to extend our xenophobic hatred to Canada, Martin’s is a feel good story. But for me it goes deeper than Martin. I have a family connection to Jose Bautista. My daughter met him. It was 2008, Bautista’s last year as an unheralded Buc. Josie, then 8, got drawn for a “Kids Take the Field” Sunday. She was stationed at 3rd base and stood there for pre-game festivities until it was time for the players to come out. Each kid was given a ball for the players to sign. I was thrilled. She was so cute. I stood above the dug out filming as this massive ballplayer bent down to converse with my daughter. When she returned, I asked what they’d talked about. “I said, ‘Hi!’ and he said, “Gimme the ball.’ Was that it? “That was it.” So, Bautista has remained a favorite of mine because he didn’t say, “Gimme the ball, bitch,” to an 8 year old. Classy guy. And he hit what is already one of the most iconic homers in baseball history to beat the Texas Rangers (and, boy, would this rant be different if Texas were still alive). The homer followed an ugly incident in which enraged Toronto fans rained beer cups on the field. This is disqualifying behavior for many cultural observers. Not for me. Had this happened in any major American city, the fans would not have tossed beer cups in protest. They’d have drawn concealed weapons and begun firing indiscriminately. So because of their comparative civility, I’m rooting for the Canadian team to beat the Kansas City hooligans in seven games.

New York Mets — Many Americans reflexively hate New York City and all it stands for. Not me. I love New York, admire the Yankees and have overcome my old hatred of the once-rival Mets. Hating the Mets was for me like a religious conviction. Part of it goes back to ’92 when they stole once-stalwart Bobby Bonilla from the Pirates. I remember Bonilla turning down a $25 million Pirate contract saying, he needed to “take care of my family,” a comment that caused then Pirate manager Jim Leyland to observe, “For $25 million, he could take care of Guam.” But after decades of comical fecklessness, these Mets are a spunky bunch. Plus, if you hate New York, what you’re really saying is you hate the Yankees and the Mets winning infuriates the Yankees.

The Chicago Cubs — The Cubs winning is great story. They haven’t won in 107 years, the longest drought in professional sports. They’re America’s favorite underdog. I, too, love underdogs. Heck, rooting for the favorite would be like me rooting against myself. But I can’t root for the Cubs. It’s very surprising because I love Chicago, have had some great times at Wrigley and the city is home to many good friends. But I can’t root for the Cubs for two primary reasons: The first is Steve Bartman. The name is unfamiliar to casual baseball fans, but many Cubs fans foster an irrational hate for him that supersedes even arch-villains like Roger Goodell. Bartman had the misfortune to in a 2003 playoff game be sitting in the front row when a possibly catchable foul ball drifted near. Reacting on fan instinct he reached out for it, possibly interfering with Cub shortstop Moises Alou’s ability to catch it for the out. Ugly death threats followed. And if you checked out the picture of the guy (above) you’ll be forgiven if you mistook him for Charlie Brown. A lifelong fan, he’s never returned to Wrigley. They ruined his life. It’s appalling. Worse, I personally witnessed what Cub fans will be like if, God forbid, they do win. For all the gory details about why I hate the Chicago Cubs I urge you to read the below link helpfully headlined, “I hate the Chicago Cubs.” Like-minded friends are worried about the Cubs. I am not. I tell them the Cubs will eventually realize they are Cubs and all will be well.

I’m rooting for the Mets to win in 7.

In the World Series, let’s go with the Blue Jays to win in 7.

Related . . . 

I hate the Chicago Cubs

A rooting fan’s guide to baseball playoffs, ’11

The man Maz made a Communist

Hoping for Game 7 extra-extra innings

Taking pregnant women out to the ol’ ballgame

The Bucs, the Duck & playoff baseball in Pittsburgh

Home opener, movie reviews & tweets

Out of petty protest, I once again will not be attending the Pittsburgh Pirate home opener today. I won’t further enrich owner Bob Nutting who reaps enormous profits and never does anything to improve the once-proud franchise team.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t exercise my inalienable right to play hookie.

Happily, The Pond, the Latrobe tavern that rents me the shabby second-floor penthouse, understands this. Dave and Jill bring in a popcorn machine, offer deals on hot dogs and get a nice friendly crowd of inebriates to enjoy watching the festivities.

If Nutting could hear us booing him it would be just like being there.

So that makes it a good day to fire off a round of observations and sprinkle in some recent tweets before I take myself out to the ol’ ballgame.

• We’ve seen a bunch of movies, old an new, lately. Just saw “Paul” with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost and Seth Rogan as an errant alien. Pegg and Frost are the Brits behind two of my favorite movies of all time, “Shaun of the Dead,” and “Hot Fuzz.” Just hilarious. It was very good, but not in the league of their best, both of which score in the upper 90 percents with reliable critic compiler, www.rottentomatoes.com. “Paul” is scoring a still-respectable 74 percent, which is about what I’d give it. Still, it was a hoot and I recommend it.

• In a confounding deal they signed when he was over-the-hill in 2000, The New York Mets are obligated to pay former Met (and Pirate) Bobby Bonilla $1.2 million every July 1 through 2035. He was a fine Pirate -- I guess in at least one way he still is -- back in the early 1990s. I remember the Pirates in ’91 offered him $25 million, a then jaw-dropping sum. Bonilla declined and said he had to “take care of his family.” The line prompted this memorable outburst from manager Jim Leyland, “Heck, for $25 million you could take care of Guam.”

• Just saw reports that a Knoxville air traffic controller is extending the snoozing pilot tracker scandal after getting busted napping in the tower for five hours. I don’t sleep five hours in my own bed. Maybe I should apply for his job.

• While “Paul” was enjoyable, “Hop” must be avoided at all costs. We have two young ‘uns and enjoy supporting the local family-owned theater so we make an exception and will see what we’re certain will be crap there. We were right. It’s awful. Yet, it was made by the people who made “Despicable Me” and included many talented people. At some point, somebody had to realize that they were filming a charmless stinker. This will surprise critics of this blog, but I pull the plug on some topics when I think it’s not worthy of my feisty band of reliable readers. Does my blog have more integrity than Hollywood? Apparently.

• Last week I played the world’s worst April Fool’s Day joke on my daughter, 10. Told her I was offered a prestigious full-time job that would require relocation. She thought it preposterous.

• Oprah’s ending her show on May 25, four days after Christian group declares scripture says the world is going to end. Coincidence or just more evidence of Oprah’s business savvy?

• If grandma truly has a heart of gold, you might want to re-think that organ donation. It’s worth about $14,860.

• Americans should be required by law to watch at least one Alfred Hitchcock movie every six months. We just enjoyed “Strangers on a Train.” Wonderful. I guess my favorite Hitchcocks are “Dial M for Murder” and “Rear Window.”

• HBO cast Ed Harris to play Cheney in the mini-series. It could be fatal to Harris: Only Cheney can play Cheney. The role will kill lesser mortals, not to mention many innocent bystanders.

• Boutique urban lodging places that were once brothels and are now trendy spots for business travelers to stay should be called ho’ tels.

• I’m embarrassed by my ignorance of Libyan geography, but will rebels need to go through Singoli and Douboli before getting to Tripoli?

• Josie, 10, is getting old enough to watch some of the great PG movies that we hope will show her there’s more to entertainment than iCarly and “High School Musical.” It’s working. We recently let her to stay up late to watch two of our very favorites, “Sneakers,” and the rarely remembered Stephen Spielberg/Leo DiCaprio film, “Catch Me if You Can.” “Sneakers” is a cerebral 1992 Robert Redford caper flick with an outstanding ensemble cast that includes Sidney Poitier, Dan Ackroyd and the late River Phoenix. “Catch Me If You Can” from 2002 is the true story about impostor con man Frank Abignale. Josie loved ‘em both. She may be lax about cleaning her room, but that kid’s going to have good taste.

• I’ll try and post a reminder, but I have a funny story due to run tomorrow on MSNBC.com. It’s about Lake Jackson, Texas, the most confusing town in America. It has streets named This Way, That Way, Any Way, Which Way, Circle Way, Center Way, etc. The city manager told me it’s not uncommon to give directions that include “Go three blocks on This Way, then make a left on That Way and bare right on Any Way.” When the confused motorist inevitably asks, “Which Way?” they have to say, no, that would be the wrong way.

• As previously, mentioned the aggregate totals on www.rottentomatoes.com are a reliable gauge about a movie’s worth. That’s why I felt immense relief when I checked to see that critics are thinking about the Russell Brand re-make of “Arthur,” another favorite of mine. It is currently tracking at 8 percent. Japan is dealing with a nuclear nightmare and news of another earthquake. Still, if they offered to take Russell Brand off our hands in exchange for their woes, I’d consider the swap.

• More random tweets can be found @8days2amish.

Go Bucs!