High time we put a woman on the moon

 

It’s been 62 years since JFK historically announced his intention that the US would put a man on the moon before the end of the decade.

His inspiration succeeded. And since the first one did so in 1969, we’ve put 11 more of them up there on the lunar surface.

I’ll bet you can only name the one.

Am I right? Neil Armstrong is the only one most of you can name (Interesting aside, to me at least, that a man forever known for a lunar stroll has a name that is pronounced KNEEL)

Buzz Aldrin followed Armstrong and remains the only astronaut from the history of the entire space program to show the slightest spark of swashbuckling personality we should expect from any historic explorer.

I can name more “Survivor” finalists than I can men who’ve walked on the moon (Rupert, Johnny Fairplay, Richard Hatch, Jenna Morasca, etc.)

In a few days we’re all going to be staring at the moon as it plays a starring role in what should be a bonanza of publicity for space interests.

Can you name any other moon walkers?  And you know which moon I’m talking about.

We’ve only got the one. 

The planet Jupiter has 95 moons. Each has an evocative and distinctive name. There is Ganymede, Io, Carme, Europa and Branson.

I made that last one up. There’s a Branson, Mo., but no Branson, Mo-on. Which is a pity because the lines to catch Yakov Smirnoff are bound to be less imposing.

Of course, that’s all beside the point which is we earthlings have just  one lousy moon and we choose to call it … Moon.

It’s like having a dog and naming it … Dog.

Back to the astronauts. Here are four of them: Charles Duke, Gene Cernan, John Young and Ryan Seacrest.

I josh. To my knowledge Ryan Seacrest has never set foot on the moon (I must have leftover April Fool’s Day juice in me).

But what of the other three, Duke, Cernan and Young? Or Pete Conrad, Alan Bean, Alan Shepard, Edgar Mitchell, David Scott, James Irwin and, lastly, Harrison Schmitt, who said sayonara to the moon on December 14, 1972 (he shared the honor with shipmate Cernan).

It’s like walking on the moon led to them disappearing back here on Earth.

You’d think they’d at least have done one of those uproarious Miller Lite beer commercials with Rodney Dangerfield speaking for the group about getting no respect.

What a bunch of prissy milquetoasts, a word that somehow manages to disparage both milk and toast.

Six of 12 have the WASPy distinction of having two first names so, obviously, there’s not an Anfernee in the bunch

So when this is all taken as a whole, where does it leave us.

I’ll tell you where it leaves us …

In The Land of Opportunity!

Because we’ve lived for so long wondering about the fabled Man on the Moon (note how it rolls right off the tongue).

Well, by now we’ve had 12 of them and they’ve failed to engage the public’s imagination. It’s time for a change.

It’s time to put a WoMan on the Moon!

I propose that at the conclusion of the eclipse hoopla, President Biden  convene a blue-ribbon panel to prepare a mission to put the first woman on the moon, a long overdue distinction. 

Best part?

We get to pick her!

Nominees will include Hillary Clinton, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Nancy Pelosi, and Laura Ingram.

And to be clear, being selected is an honor, not a punishment.

Despite their divisiveness, any tickets to the moon are still round trip.