I’ve described browsing the now sold-out original version of “Use All The Crayons!” as what it’s like spending a jovial hour or two with me in a friendly tavern. There’s laughs, wit, insight, some poignancy and sensations of pleasant refreshment at the conclusion.
If that’s true, then the new “Deluxe!” version is maybe like spending 10 hours with me doing the same thing at the same place.
The activities do not differ, but the duration leads to feelings of bloat, queasiness and a morning-after wish that the whole thing had never happened.
Do I know how to sell a book or what?
Maybe I’ll always be too self-deprecating for my own good or maybe I’m just charmed by any nifty drinking analogy.
You’re welcome for $20 to find out for yourself.
Early reviews are positive. My Tin Lizzy landlord says he reads a little bit every morning and is really enjoying it. He says it cracks him up and puts him in a good mood for the rest of the day.
I’m very flattered and am hopeful many readers will embrace it the same way.
I assembled this book — assembled, not wrote — from my best blog and tweets from the past five years. I figure it’s about 80 percent new, with the rest being relevant Hall of Famers from the first edition.
The original has 501 items and 33 essays; “Deluxe!” has a whopping 1,001 items surrounding 57 essays.
Western Pennsylvania history students will note the significance of the essay totals. The “33” was a nod to erstwhile Rolling Rock beer, once famously brewed in Latrobe; “57” hearkens to Heinz 57, the number of pickle varieties Heinz once offered.
Why “Deluxe?” Why now?
I optimistically believe 2018 will be a breakthrough year for me and my speaking opportunities. This clip of me keynoting in Columbus in September is getting much positive notice.
I self-published now because I was out of books to sell. A new self-published version would give me greater pricing liberty in selling in bulk.
Plus, I just have this treasure chest of fresh stories and lively tweets that people really seem to like. Here are a few of my favorites from the new edition:
39 Consider: A single apple seed weighs 700 mg but sinks in water. A battleship weighs 45,000 tons, but does not. What would happen to battleship full of apple seeds?
91 Ask friends: If fans of the Grateful Dead are called Deadheads, what does that make those of us who revere the book “Moby Dick?”
243 Point out that when Satan gives someone hell it should be considered a real estate transaction.
848 Be so at peace with the world the only thing left to get off your chest are your nipples.
909 Your life will be appreciably more sane if you wake up each day realizing your job isn’t nearly as important as you think it is.
I just put the Kindle version on Amazon for an introductory price of just $3.75 Here’s the link.
Or you, my friends, can get crayon-signed copies for $20 by getting in touch with me. “Deluxe!,” for now, won’t be available in stores anywhere.
It makes a great Christmas gift, especially if you’re on a hefty expense account: A salesman friend of mine just ordered 20 copies to distribute to customers.
Sweet!
But I’m hoping the majority of these books will be sold to people who’ve never heard of me. And that’s one potentially lucrative whopper of a demographic.
So please get in touch if you’re interested in buying signed copies for gifts or for yourself.
And Happy Thanksgiving!
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