Saturday, May 2, 2009
Willie Nelson for the "High" Court
Don’t hold your breath, but wouldn’t it be great if the next U.S. Supreme Court nominee were asked a truly character-illuminating question such as: “Judge, with all due respect, but have you ever asked a neice or nephew to pull your finger? And I’ll appreciate your candor.”
Elected officials can seem aloof from their constituents, but even they are given to fits of common humanity. They get drunk, accept bribes, say stupid things or get busted chasing comely interns around their oaken desks.
But not Supreme Court justices. The men and women, er, woman, who make up the court have the greatest impact on our daily lives, yet have the least connection to it. They sit in their august black robes, a practical petrified forest of legal tedium. Even during debate over divisive issues that inflame the nation, they read their opinions in dreary monotone as if they were reciting a grocery list.
Where’s the passion? The fury? The understanding that millions of souls are held in the sway of their decision?
It’s time President Obama electrify the country by nominating someone who is not a judge, but who has appeared before plenty of them.
That means it’s time to nominate Willie Nelson for the Supreme Court. He’s the anti-John Roberts, a man who looks so white bread it’s surprising no one’s slapped some baloney and mustard on him for tasteful improvement.
Willie has the life experiences Americans need from an understanding justice. And he’s left a long paper trail, although, granted, most of it has been wrapped around marijuana leaves and smoked.
He proved he understands health care issues when he wisely remarked, “Remember, halitosis is better than no breath at all.”
He’s a man of family values who’s opined, “There are no such thing as ex-wives. There are only additional wives.”
As far as the role of judicial restraint in the war on drugs, he's on record as saying: “Legalizing marijuana would actually reduce crime ... It’s kept me from killing a bunch of people.”
He understands that at times the roles of church and state do intersect when he warned “not to forget the less fortunate or God will personally kick your ass. I’d do it for him,” Willie said, “but I can’t be everywhere.”
Many interest groups are urging President Obama to nominate a person of color. I’d like him to nominate a colorful person.
Willie and the Supremes! Sounds like a surefire hit to me.