Cheer up fellow Earthlings! We're the best damn planet in the solar system

 We’re so disposed to reveling in our petty nationalist rivalries, we’re failing to see the big picture: We’re light years ahead of every other planet in every quality of life category there is.

Enjoy ice cream? Then don’t try and eat any on Mercury, the nearest planet to the Sun. It’s 810-degrees there, a temperature which incinerates ice cream in less time than it takes to get the cone near your nose.

Try this: Think of Planet Earth the way an enterprising real estate agent would. We’re not some shabby little planet. We’re No. 1 in our entire solar system!

(Note a topic for another day: Although our home solar system is 4.06 billion years old, it remains unnamed)

Looking for good schools? Earth has the best schools.

Recreational opportunities? They estimate you could comfortably fit 1,381 Earths inside one Jupiter, yet there’s not one pickleball court on the whole Big Gassy.

Best place to raise kids? Best pizza? Best nightlife? Best sunrise? Diverse worship?

Earth! Earth! Earth!

Imagine the rout if we ever organize a planetary Olympics. We’d swamp the medal platforms.                                                               

So do not surrender to the doomsayers who complain Earth is over-populated, polluted, war-torn and on-track to implode by, oh, lunchtime tomorrow. Instead focus on the good and join me in coming up with a promotional slogan that attract interested galactic tourists and potential home buyers.

“Come and enjoy the best damn planet in the solar system! (Earth not responsible for life-threatening fluctuations in inhabitability minimums)

Another Biblical typo: It should be "crossifaction," not "crucifixion"

In my maniacal quest to rid the world of historical typos I’ve found another and it too is Biblical. You might remember the last one was Yeaster instead of Easter.

I did this based on the grounds that no one’s ever heard of an Easter. There is ni such thing. But yeast is a common kitchen ingredient widely used to make things — things like bread/slain Saviors —rise. The next one is obvious, but clearly careless:

Crucifixion ought to be crossifaction.

Let’s break it down. The first point substantiates the entire premise.

Jesus died on a cross not a croos  or a cruse.

There is simply no logical or historical reason the word became “U” or “ooo” dominated.

Secondly, the latter half of the — pronounced FiK-shun comes straight out of the Roman Army playbook to cast suspicion on the story of the resurrection. It was, they’d contend, a fiction, make believe, a fraud.

Crossifaction puts the “fact” right in the description, 

So, clearly, it should be crossifaction, not crucifixion.

Or used in a sentence: “We told them crackers that they had the wrong guy, but they went and done crossified poor Terry anyways,”

I ask that you remember the correct construction next spring when our thoughts once again return to the evergreen story of the Yeaster miracle.

"How to Deal With the Stuff That Sucks" reviews

 

I am taken aback by the cruel reaction to my new book, the one that is about the most physically and emotionally painful episodes from my entire life.

My friends think it’s hysterical.

Risky spinal surgery? Uproarious.

Spiritual crisis? Hilarious.

Marital woes? Comical.

Unfortunate bladder capacity? A laugh riot.

Contending with Parkinson’s? Wildly amusing.

It’s all there in “(The Art of Living Suddenly) How to Deal With Stuff That Sucks.”

Should I get angry that none of my friends have expressed a shred of compassion for the woeful aspects of my life?

Should I wonder where the empathy’s gone when I opened my soul about the pain I feel when I gaze into the mirror and realize, alas, I’m losing the battle against the dread scourge of male pattern baldness?

I mean, what kind of friends are they that they make jokes rather than extend the soft hand of sympathy?

What kind of friends? I’ll tell you what kind of friends are they ...

They’re all MY kind of friends!

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• "This book is tremendous.It’s only one book but it’s hilarious, deep, dark, happy, sad, and grateful all in one book. Amazing!" 

                                                            -- Jeff Page, Ligonier, Pa.

• "You never know what life may throw at you. With his way with words, Chris hits a homer with every screwball they throw at him."

                                                          -- Sukey Jamison, Crabtree, Pa.

• "I am a long time Chris Rodell fan. I'm pretty sure that I have read and enjoyed everything that he has written. In his new book, “How To Deal with Stuff That Sucks”, Chris brings equal doses of honesty, insight, humor, good cheer, and of course, "undaunted optimism" to some of life’s most challenging situations (his own and others). Chris, It’s a truly remarkable book, and a very compelling read!"

                                                -- Jeff Jacobs, Latrobe, Pa.

• “The chapter about you pissing your pants nearly had me pissing mine!”

— Anonymous

• “I encourage everyone to swing by and grab a copy of anything Chris Rodell has written. I can’t speak for “How to Deal With the Stuff That Sucks” because I’m currently waiting ever so patiently for someone else to finish my copy, but I did read “Evan & Elle In Heaven & Hell” and, let me tell you, it was the best book I have read in some time! I couldn’t put it down once I started! I don’t know how many times I woke up with my glasses askew and the book on the floor because I was fighting sleep so hard wanting to read just one more page! I have had more than one day tired at work because I just couldn’t put it down the night before! My advice, read it on a weekend! The only bad part of the entire book was when it was done! I could have read a thousand more pages! Highly recommend grabbing a copy! You will laugh, you may even cry, but you will definitely look at life in a whole new light! Sometimes people aren’t bad, they're just having a really bad day! "

                                        — Nina Lynn Deithorn, Latrobe, Pa.

• ”Chris is insightful, fearless, and one of the most brilliant, hilarious voices out there."

                                        -- Kara Baldwin, San Antonio, Texas

• “Oh my!! Loving it!  Chris, you are a funny man!!!  I mean, really!!"

                                        -- Laurie Young Mcginnis. Ligonier, Pa.

• “I love this book. You know I’m a slow reader. But I sit here in the senior asst. living rooms with my door open laughing. I’m sure my neighbor wonders what is going on.”

                                        — Barb Reiner, Latrobe, Pa

• “There is so much humor and you get to it with such ease, it’s just brilliant. It just seems to come so easily. It’s a pleasure to read. Truly brilliant."

                                           — Jim Wexell, Irwin, Pa.

• "This is one terrific book. Every chapter was my favorite -- until the next chapter! Well written, witty, thought provoking and at times downright hilarious!"

                                            — Pete Wilson, Ligonier, Pa.

• “I love your new book! It’s fantastic!”

                                            — Jack Gardner, Athens, Ohio

• “I expect the world of Chris Rodell and Chris Rodell after 40 years has yet to let me down.”

                                            — Quinn Fallon, Columbus, Ohio

• “Great read. Funny but real.”

                                            — Kirk Baser, Hollidaysburg, Pa.

• “Commenters eagerly express interest in purchasing signed copies of ‘How To Deal With The Stuff That Sucks.’ Many request shipping and payment details while others congratulate the author on his latest work. They without exception cheer his efforts. Enthusiasm and support dominate the comments. Unusually strong reaction like this is often indicative of a successful book release.”

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