• I’m friends with about a dozen guys who if they were to die of coronavirus would gladly have engraved on their tombstones, "I STILL say it's a hoax!”
• How many of you could stand living in a world where workers we now deem essential earn what you earn and you what they? As a writer who earns squat I exempt myself from the question.
• How many of you would take a pill that would prevent coronavirus but had one side effect: It would completely & emphatically change your opinion on Trump. That is, if you love him, you'd now viscerally & vocally detest him. And vice versa. I'll bet most of you couldn't do it.
• How unsettling will it be to your faith if Jesus returns Sunday, but he's wearing one of those HAZ-MAT suits?
• I think we're fast approaching a day where safe sex is all safe and no sex.
• I always chuckle at the inaccuracy when I hear people say the world can be cruel. Sillies, the Earth is inanimate and does not have emotions so Earth is never cruel. Earth is indifferent. Now Earthlings …
• And while we're at it, how come we're Earthlings instead of Earthians, ala Martians. I know of no equivalent. No Pittsburgherlings. No Frenchlings. Earthling sounds like the name for a captivity-bred panda
• A 2- to 3- percent mortality sacrifice to preserve the economy is acceptable to me as long as I can be assured the toll doesn't include anyone I love, anyone I like, none of my favorite bartenders, Ray Wylie Hubbard, me or you. The rest of yinz? Been nice knowin' ya ...
• There’s something so unnerving about being engaged in a life-and-death struggle against an enemy our soldiers can't confuse or infuriate with a well-timed moon.
• I’m rigorous about my social distancing while never criticizing people who're casual about it. Still seems rude to me. I say this while acknowledging infecting me with coronavirus would be the height of rudeness.
• I’m going to install a trampoline in the bathroom so when I announce I'm going to jump in the shower I can really -- oh, just forget it!
• Some projections maintain coronavirus self-quarantine could last another interminable 18 month. Months, days & endless hour after endless hour ... still not enough time to make me ever want to sit through "The Irishman" again.
• Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride. How come something collectively referred to as "The Seven Deadly Sins" simultaneously check all the boxes for one really lively party.
• I refuse to be swept up in cynicism. I believe our best days remain ahead of us. The arts will flourish. Poverty and injustice will be vanquished & humans will enjoy an era were reason prevails. There will still be conflict, but in the future our wars will be fought with farts.
• I try and see the reason behind decisions I don't understand and believe even in divisive issues people with whom I disagree are acting in good faith. But when I hear someone - anyone - prefers regular Oreos over Double Stuf, I'm like, "What are you? Some kind of #%&*! idiot?”
• I’m buoyed by the fact that given our access to social media, prop pets/babies and our innate creativity then if we're destined to slide into another depression future historians will dub this The Cheerful Depression.
• Wonder if guys in heaven talk about earth bodies the way they talk about old cars: "It was bald, had a great big ass, tiny li’l pecker but, man, the thing got great mileage.”
• My desire to live a long time is at odds with my eagerness to donate all my still-healthy organs to needy less fortunates.
• We live in a time when being right or being wrong matters less than always having someone to blame when it all goes to hell.
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