August Tweets of the Month

I was watching The Stooges in “Calling All Curs” with our daughters the other day. In it Moe, Larry and Curly sit down for an elegant dinner with about a dozen mutts. Mayhem ensues -- but not among the dogs all exhibit refined table manners.

I don’t know how they did it, but I assume it involved procedures that today would have PETA scolding tsk tsk. 

Incredulous, Lucy, 7, said, “The dogs are better behaved than the Stooges!”

I couldn’t figure a way to turn that little observation into a tweet, but it had me thinking of using a tweet round up of only Stooge tweets. But not this month. You're welcome to follow my tweets at 8days2amish.

Here’s what I deemed my 18 best from the past 30 days.

• I'm fearful I'm no longer as cool as I used to be. Should I consider hip surgery?

• The parents of the North and South Poles can never use the tried 'n' true line, "The world doesn't revolve around you, you know."

• If I were to restrict my conversations to only enlightened people, it would be a lonely existence and I'd be unable to talk to even myself.

• I'm going to start a movement that we all start spelling our names alphabetically. Yours truly, Chirs Edllor

• I'm opposed to spanking but whenever I hear a father say this is gonna hurt me worse than it hurts you I think he needs to spank harder.

• Folding female underwear always reminds of incomprehensible game of 3D chess Spock played on Enterprise rec deck

• Hap Hazard would be a great name for a Hollywood stunt man

• Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to be forever berated over their failure by those of us who do.

• Scientists who declare matter cannot be created nor destroyed have never observed a bar of soap in a shower.

• I swore it wouldn't happen. I was wrong. Today, I thought I was being witty when I asked someone "What's in your wallet?"

• I wonder if when surprised by something on-line Satan worshippers instinctively type, "OMD!"

• Chickens have breasts. Women have breasts. Women have nipples. Do chicken have nipples? Are chicken nipples some kind of delicacy?

• I’m surprised no one’s developed a bacon perfume for women. I’m sure men would find those wearing “Eau de Bacon” irresistible.

• I dreamed last night I was Chris Rock and slept funny.

• Mylie's tongue is a marvel. It’s long and curvy and in contrast to Cyrus herself appears to have a mind of its own.

• I'm ashamed to admit it, and I'm not even sure if it's possible for a fella, but I've spent the day trying to twerk like Mylie.

• I'd engage in more illicit behavior guaranteed to make tongues wag if someone could assure me I'd get to see tongues actually wag.

• Romantic trees can never be accused of being "too sappy."