May Twitter storm

Maybe it’s all due to climate change, but the Tweet harvest seems mighty slim lately. But it’s been almost two months since I’ve compiled some of my favorites from 8days2amish.com. Time’s ripe to post a another bunch.

• It’s impossible to calculate how much time I’ve wasted waiting in vain for people to make the next move after I without fail put an X in the center spot everytime I see a # symbol.

• It’s been 20 years since anyone used the phrase “perfect storm” in reference to anything involving meteorological conditions.

• I admit to feeling more manly walking into Houston airport restrooms that included the bi-lingual designation HOMBRE.

• I understand basic physics, but I defy even Sir Isaac Newton to explain why the Coyote always without fail falls faster than the anvil.

• I know I shouldn't be surprised, but Daffy has precious little humanity -- even for a duck.

• Surprised Conservatives angry about global warming proponents haven't demanded Beach Boys renounce their "Endless Summer" album."

• I dreamt Arnold Palmer offered to teach me how to fly a plane. I said I'd rather he teach me how to putt. In my dream, Palmer began to weep.

• Soon, "dodged a bullet" won't be a quaint phrase about evading a challenge, it'll be the answer to the question, "So, what'd you do today?"

• Sure, you could update the classic 1973 Bob Seger song, "Turn the Page" for the Kindl crowd, but I suspect it would lose a lot of punch.

• Art critics who with no sense of irony describe statues as "moving" should be sentenced to six months of Adam Sandler film reviews.

• People who get prominent back tattoos ought to be required to also include behavioral instruction. For instance: "Feed donuts when cranky."

• My great fear is that some arch-villain is creating a machine that will convert wireless into wire, ensnaring humanity in hopeless tangle.

• Anyone care to guess the identity of the favorite Stooge the girl Billy Idol sings about in "Rebel Yell?" That's right. It's Moe! Moe! Moe!”

• Just heard Pat Benatar singing "Heartbreaker" on Classic Rewind. I think I prefer the version George Steinbrenner sang on "Seinfeld.

• Listening to the 2009 Springsteen song "Surprise Surprise" and wondering how it would sound with Gomer Pyle on the vocals.

• CNN report that says Secret Service "prepared for anything" on POTUS trip to war zone now has randy connotations.

• Has the straight to-the point pick-up line "Hello I love you. Will you tell me your name?" ever worked for anyone besides Jim Morrison?

• Advances in meteorology mean Weather Channel forecasters will soon be able to pinpoint brainstorms, sure to change the way employers hire.