Leaper tweets of the month

• I used to make prognostications but I was so wrong so often I predict it'll never happen again.

• Because I enjoy security cam video of news that can only be described as miraculous, I hope today to see a massive sinkhole open up on a busy highway where an equally massive and adjacent landslide fills it in so neatly passengers in an advancing bus never notice either potential calamity …

And because I enjoy uninformed FB vitriol over things no one can explain, I hope the bus is full of either MAGA-hat wearing NRA conventioneers or rainbow-haired women's volleyballers on their way to a Pete for Prez fundraiser.

• I’d like to be in Boston today to inform Patriot fans who out of habit the day after the Super Bowl begin to set chairs out along the parade route that if they want to see honest champions they'd better get their asses to Kansas City.

• Two of the least popular people in the Republican Party are today two Republican senators chosen by Republicans to lead the Republican Party in two of the most recent presidential elections.

• I wonder where the strangers who appear in our dreams go when we're awake and if they sleep in that place and have dreams that include people like us.

• Those who say they've lost everything and have no where to go but up often ignore the depth of a grave.

• Not to be an alarmist, but who wants to bet that within the next 30 days one of our politicians will declare in the interest of public health we sink the cruise ships full of quarantined Coronavirus victims?

• Every four years I'm forced to overcome the confusion over whether Dixville Notch is an electorally significant New Hampshire village and not some anatomically precise porno jargon.

• I don't understand the need for the redundant spelling of tsetse fly. Is there a tse fly or a tsetsetse fly from which it needs distinguishing? Really, I don't tse the point.

• I know what you're thinking 'cuz I'm thinking it, too: "I just turned 57 and I STILL haven't sucked face with Madonna! What's taking so long?" Thanks, my friends, for all the birthday wishes.

• Most people confuse being opinionated with being correct. Just because you say something in a loud voice absent doubt doesn't mean you're right. Of course, that's just my opinion.

• ”Titanic" concluding now on AMC. I like the subtle irony of a movie where a painter gets framed and a woman whose name sounds like "ROWS" is hauled into a lifeboat and given an oar.

• Given the spread of Coronavirus, how long before Pirate owner Bob Nutting orders -- for prudent health reasons -- a game be played without fans? And given Pirate fan disdain, how long before anyone notices the difference?

• Be honest: How much 'living' do you do in your living room? In fact, it should be called the "watching room" or, worse, the "ignoring-your-loved-ones room.”

• I wonder if any of the forward-thinkers at PETA have game-planned a pro-active position paper anticipating Jurassic scenarios where the organization defends the dinosaur's absolute right to roam free in the cities and the countries.