GOP loves Clinton, 20 years too late

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I’ve argued in the past it’s an historic misuse of the phrase to call non-musicians who don’t dabble in drugs and groupies “rock stars.”

For instance, Jim Cramer isn’t a “rock star of the financial world.”

Jim Cramer’s just a dork with a schtick.

In fact, by my count, there are only two rock stars left on the entire planet.

One of them is Mick Jagger and the other’s married to Hillary Clinton.

Mick and Bill are the two most charismatic men in the world. When one or the other is performing, it’s impossible to take our eyes off them.

I wonder if Ken Starr watched Clinton’s speech. I haven’t seen the ratings, but my hunch is if the Democratic National Convention were a TV show it would be renewed by critical acclaim.

It’s been sensational.

On Tuesday, I fell madly in love with Michelle Obama. She’s vivacious. She’s caring. She’s married to Barack! That didn’t discourage me from thinking I ought to propose marriage to her. I’m just crazy about Michelle.

Then I thought, me being a supporter of same sex marriage, I’d better save myself for Clinton.

And he didn’t disappoint. All the political talk today is saying it was his best speech ever, a grand slam.

One poll pegs Clinton’s public approval rating at 70 percent. That’s incredible. In these divisive times you could get 30 percent of regular talk show listeners to disapprove of Mother Teresa.

They’re saying he’s a great leader, a bi-partisan thinker, a poised exemplar of how Washington ought to work.

And those aren’t Democrats.

Those are leading Republicans. Other than the sainted Reagan, Clinton was the second most sited historical figure praised by GOP candidates.

None were more effusive than Newt Gingrich.

Google “Gingrich on Clinton” and here’s some of what you’ll find: “This is one of the most charming and effective men I’ve ever negotiated with. He’s very smart, capable of focusing on you with enormous intensity.”

He says he’s so mesmerizing that intellectual giants like himself do things they don’t normally do because they want Clinton to like them.

Parts of that lead me to believe Gingrich would truly love to be on Clinton.

Yesterday it was marathon man Paul Ryan. Romney’s been at it, too. They’re saying Clinton’s a reasonable fellow and if, gee, Obama would just be more like him then maybe they could get things done.

The hypocrisy of this GOP Clinton revisionism is breathtaking. I think they hated him even more than they hate Obama, if that’s possible.

They said he was bad for the country. That he was poisoning our youth. That he was evil.

It’s basically what they said about Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones in 1964.

The holier-than-thou Clinton impeachment trials turned me into a knee-jerk liberal whose knee jerks most liberally when it’s in the vicinity of a conservative’s crotch.

And now they’re telling us, whoops, never mind. Give the devil his due, he was a pretty damn good POTUS.

Sons of bitches.

We’re all about to be inundated with polls by Gallup, Reuters and Quinnipiac. Here’s the only one that’s going to matter: The Nielsens.

You’ll be able to gauge the outcome of the election by the number of people who watched the Democratic Convention over the Republican.

I predict it’ll be a landslide -- the ratings, the election’s bound to be close. But if I were a Republican today I’d be feeling what Krusty the Klown calls flop sweat.

After four years of Tea Party birther outlandishness, the Democrats are roaring back to life. They are making the compelling and, yes, charismatic case that the Republicans have been obstructionist mopes who’ll do anything to prevent the president from succeeding.

Sound familiar?

I think this will resonate with everyone other than the 30 percent who remain disapproving of Bill Clinton and think Mother Teresa was too flamboyant.

And the real star of this show’s still about eight hours from stepping on the stage.

Those of us who remain infuriated by the over-zealous prosecution of Bill Clinton today are getting us some satisfaction knowing even his enemies, many of them serial adulterers themselves, are acknowledging their mistakes.

I believe history will likewise vindicate those of us who’ve stood beside Obama through all the garbage they’ve thrown in his face.

I like it, like it. Yes I do.

Related

• Ken Starr, Harry Morgan & T*R*A*S*H

• Mick Jagger: An appreciation